I'd love to see a sequel to the play about a psychiatrist who attempts to treat a young man with a pathological religious fascination with horses, particularly if it was sponsored by a Mexican brewing company: "Dos Equus, presented by Dos Equis."

Two golfers are ready to play on the 11^th tee as a funeral cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes.

“That was a really nice thing to do,” the second golfer says. “It’s good to see there is still some respect in the world.”

“Well, it’s only right,” the first golfer replies. “I was married to her for 35 years.”

TTwo atoms were walking down the street. One turns to the other and says,
“Oh, no! I think I lost an electron!”
The other responds, “Are you sure?!?”
“Yes, I’m positive!”

So true!

What are balloons least favorite music??

Pop music

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

The vets of the county are confounded. Dogs everywhere are tearing up their leads and refusing to go out on walks. Epidemiologists are calling it leashmaniasis.

"That not Hollywood whiteface make-up!

That CROW POOP from bird living on head!"

- John Depp-

I suddenly remember the other rabbit joke.

Rabbit walks into a bar and asks the barman: "Do you have carrot cake?"

"No", says the barman. "O", says the rabbit and leaves.

Next day the rabbit is back, with the same question. He receives the same answer. And the next. And the next. And the next. Over the course of many weeks, in fact. So the barman ultimately decides on a different tack.

In comes the rabbit, once more, and asks: "Do you have carrot cake?" 

"Yes", the barman replies.

"Awful, isn't it?", says the rabbit.

Veerstryngh Thynner

... showed up on Facebook today:

Q: What beverage was the mildly dyslexic fellow shopping for, in hopes that drinking it would prevent him from becoming a complainer???

A: Crab-Nary juice!

Stumbled across this on a Jokes & Riddles forum:

How do you rate toilet humour? Is it your favourite - or is it at least a solid number 2?

A wife sent her husband a romantic text message.

She wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

If you are laughing, send me your smile.

If you are eating, send me a bite.

If you are drinking, send me a sip.

If you ate crying, send me your tears. I love you".

Her husband texted back: " I'm in the toilet, please advise." 

 

Okay Mike, rate this one.... I encountered it when I first went to Winnipeg in the mid 60s and pay toilets were still in vogue:

Here I sit broken hearted,

        paid my dime and only _ _ _ _ _ _.

Yesterday I took a chance,

        saved my dime and _ _ _ _  my pants.

This guy was on a plane and he really had to pee. He went to the back of the plane and there was a line for the men's room. So, he asked a female to see if there was anyone in the ladies room.
She responded no, go ahead in there but don't press any of the buttons.
He said alright. he went to the bathroom, relieved. He saw the buttons and decided to push them anyway thinking "what could go wrong?"
The first button he pushed was blue, he goes bbrrrrrr, that's cold having cold water spray into his ass hole.
The second button was red and he goes "oh that feels really good. How come there aren't any buttons like these in the men's room?"
The last button he pushed was a white button with the letters ATR on it.
The next thing he knew he woke up in a hospital.
He asked the nurse "why am I in the hospital?"
She responded "because u hit the ATR button" laughing hysterically while she said it.
He said "what's so funny? what does ATR mean?"
She responded "automatic tampon remover".

> A few good news/bad news from this week's New Yorker.
> ******************************************************************************************
> The bad news is that my friend hates my gallows humor.
The good news is that he will be dead soon.
>
> The bad news is that everyone's looking at me like I'm supposed to know how to pull this plane out of its tailspin.
The good news is that, at my funeral, my parents will be able to use their famous catchphrase:
" Being a pilot seems like a bad choice for someone with amnesia, Mike"
>
> The bad news is that you had that dream where you're giving a speech and realize halfway through that  you aren't wearing any pants!
The good news is  that the speech was to accept the award for Never Wearing Pants Guy.
>
> The bad news is that it seems like that creepy guy might be following you.
 The good news is that it's just so he can warn you about the bigger,  creepier guy who is also following you.
>
> The bad news is that I have no way to text you, to tell you how my double thumb  amputation went.

The good news is that it went great!

"She was only a snake charmer's daughter, but she knew how to move her asp!"

A woman tried to board a bus but her skirt was so tight that she couldn't make the step up.

So she reached behind her, lowered her zip and tried again. Still the skirt was too tight. So again she reacher behind her, lowered her zip a little more and tried to negotiate the step. But still the skirt was too tight.

Determined to catch this bus, she once more reached behind her, lowered the zip a little and attempted to climb aboard. Then suddenly she felt two hands on her butt, helping her on to the bus. She turned around angrily and told the man behind her: "Sir, I don't know you' well enough for you to behave in such a manner."

The man replied: "Lady, I don't know you well enough for you to unzip my fly three times either!"