From our friends at SAP....A guy is driving along when he spots a gypsies caravan on the side of the road with a sign saying, "readings $10 per person".

He pulls over thinking this could be a laugh, and enters the caravan.

The gypsy immediately grabs his hands, looks at them for a couple of seconds and looks up into the guys eyes.

She says, "Thriller, pretty woman, when doves cry, stairway to heaven."

"Wow", said the guy, "those are my favourite songs!"

"Impressive", he continues, "please, tell me my future."

"Can't," exclaims the gypsy, "I am just a four tune teller!"

This is so silly, but it made me laugh.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "in her biology class." 

As tomorrow is Canada's 150th birthday, a few Canadian jokes.....How do you get a Canadian to apologise, step on his foot. What do the Maple Leafs and the Titanic have in common, both look good until they hit the ice. How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb....they don't change light bulbs they accept them as they are.

What is the difference between a Canadian and a canoe........... a canoe tips.

Q: What are the two seasons in Canada? 
A: WINTER AND JULY! 

A canadian calls the RCMP "Hello is the the RCMP?? I'm calling about my neigbour Antoine Smith. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood!"

The next day the RCMP descends on Antoine's house and search the shed where the firewood is kept. They bust open every piece of firewood, but find no marijuana. They apologize to Antoine and leave.

The phone rings at Antoine's.. "Hey Antoine, did the RCMP come to your house?"

"Yep" "Did they chop all your firewood?"

"Yep"

"Happy Birthday Buddy!" 

Recruitment rates improved significantly, when they changed the name TO

"Royal Canadian Air Force"

FROM

"Canadian Royal Air Patrol".

Happy Canada Day, northern neighbors

From our friends at SAP....

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants, one of which would get the job.

The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.

Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.

He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.

Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."

Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"

"Oh," replied Jim, "Yale."

"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"

"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"

Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a**holes.

Artificial Intelligence stands no chance against Natural Stupidity.

 Famous songs are funny.....who knew.    https://www.facebook.com/PeterKayClips/videos/1566137253437035/

I was sitting there at the bar staring at my drink when a large, grimey
trouble-making biker dude steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps
it down in one swig.
 
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it, Four Eyes?" he says menacingly.  I couldn't help but burst into tears.
 
"This is the worst day of  my life," I sobbed. "I'm a complete failure.
I was late to a meeting, and  my boss fired me. When I went to the
parking lot, I found my car had  been stolen, and I don't have any
insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife
in bed with another man... and then my dog bit me. So I came to this
bar to work up the courage to put an end  to it all.
"I buy a drink, I drop two cyanide capsules into it and sit here watching
the poison dissolve...............  then you show up and drink the
whole damn thing!  But, enough about me, how's your day going?" 

What did the OSU graduate say to the U of O graduate?
Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order?
What did the U of O graduate say to the OSU graduate?
Yes, are you accepting job applications?

Why do PIRATES hate SUMMERTIME?

Because those are the months with no ARRR! in them!

Then there was the case of the unfortunate pirate the was forced to walk the plank after one week on the job  because he was dyslectic.

While all the other pirates were going around saying "ARRRrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!, Matey" and Arrrrrrrrrrrrr, Captain!!,"  he was go'en around saying things like: "QQQQqqqqqq, me hearties!!!" And QQQqqqqqqqqquuuuu, ye lubbers!!!"

My week is basically:
Monday
Monday #2
Monday #3
Monday #4
Friday
Saturday
Pre-Monday

Just wondering, do you think scorpions would consider lobsters mermaids?

Bud the golfer sets off on a round-the-world trip in his new boat, but he winds up veering off course and gets lost. He drifts onto a deserted island, where he is stranded, all alone. Months go by and there's no sign of rescue, and not even a soccer ball to keep him company. Then one day Bud sees a beautiful mermaid coming out of the surf, heading straight toward him. The mermaid stops two feet in front of Bud and asks him in sexy voice, "Would you like a drink?"

Bud doesn't have to think about his answer. "You bet!" he nearly shouts. The mermaid opens the vest she's wearing, reaches in and pulls out an ice-cold beer.

Then she asks, "Would you like a cigar?" And Bud quickly answers, "You bet!" The mermaid opens her vest even more and pulls out a big cigar, which Bud lights up immediately ith the lighter the mermaid also gives him.

The mermaid bats her eyes, opens her vest even more, and coos to Bud, "And would you like to play around?"

"Wow!" Bud says, "You've got golf clubs in there, too?" 

Met a guy with a really smart dog.  He's so smart that he does magic tricks.  He's a labracadabrador.

A guy down the street had a really smart dog.  In fact, he was so smart he learned how to play Poker. 

And he'd been a darn good little poker player except that every time he got a good hand, he wagged his tail !!!

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to run some errands.
The proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.
Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry.
The father did everything he could think of doing, but the baby wouldn't stop crying.
Finally, the dad got so worried that he decided to take the infant to the doctor.
After the doctor listened to the father relate all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.
When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.
"Here's the problem", the Dr. said, "He needs to be changed!"
The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!"
 

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"

"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."