This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. 

While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is. 

Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. 

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man:' Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?' 

The desert man replies:' Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small.'

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."

From our friends at SAP.   

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, She is quite impressed by his sensitive side. but doesn't mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips and he responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.

The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her, And gently strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: 'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf.'

The previous post is  perfect example of the Ancient Saying;

"The JOYS of LOVE are hard to BEAR!"

Now, here's a thought I thunk, while listening to 3 hours of Old-Time Country/Western  & Honky-tonk on the radio Friday morning:

If the love of a woman makes a man a better person, why wouldn't the love of TWO women make him an EVEN  BETTER person??

Q: What is the penalty for bigamy?

A: Two mother-in-laws

A teacher asks her class what their favorite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?

quote:

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>clip< 

If the love of a woman makes a man a better person, why wouldn't the love of TWO women make him an EVEN  BETTER person??

 

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Only a mormon like YOU would think that thunk! 

Since I've known you all your life, I know that you are simply trying to make a pun, calling me a "moron", but adding an M to refer to a sect once noted for polygamy.
And carefully spelling it with a LOWER CASE so as to TRY not to offend any LDS church members who might read it.

But, come on. No reason to risk offending several total strangers, just to joke at me.

.

From our friends at SAP....A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. 

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. 

The brunette won 1st place, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. 

The blonde won 6th prize, a toilet brush. 

About a week or so had passed when the women met back at Wal-Mart. The blonde asked the brunette how she liked her prize, to which the brunette replied, "Great, I love spaghetti!" 

"How about you? How's the toilet brush?" 

"Not so good," replied the blonde. "I think I'm gonna go back to paper."

SENIORS' INDOOR FLAG FOOTBALL GAME ENDS

WHEN ELDERLY WOMAN CATCHES "HAIL MARY"  PASS

- ONE HANDED!

......................................................................................

She declined to give her exact age, but affirmed that she is "WELL OVER sixty-five" .

Two Florida State football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking an important exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was "fill in the blank" and the last question read, "Old MacDonald had a____." Bubba was stumped -- he had no idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the teacher wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny in the shoulder. "Tiny, what's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed, then looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed. He turned to Bubba and said, "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a FARM." "Oh yeah," said Bubba, "I remember now." he picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. Then he stopped. Tapping Tiny on the shoulder, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb, Bubba. that's so easy," hissed Tiny, "farm is spelled 'E-I-E-I-O'." 

I have a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.

Little Johnny runs inside his house shouting ‘Mum, Mum, come quick, I’ve knocked the ladder over outside!’.  

quote:

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Originally posted by banyes
 

I have a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder.

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One year, Irene's kids gave me a stepladder for Fathers' Day!

Notice on a building site:  Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

Why did the music teacher need a ladder?  

To reach the high notes.

"And then the vocalist PROVED the extent of her range, by hitting a note so high, only a tall dog could hear it!"

Minnie Riperton inspired that quote.