On my Facebook feed today [from a site called Time Travellers]:

"1953 Ford uses the airbag for the first time in a concept car.The system only needs to be further developed, and will later no longer be mounted on the person, but on the steering wheel."

Strange but true:
Back in the Sixties, before recessed steering wheels, two drunks were picked up by the police, next to a wrecked Ford.
Taken to the hospital with some injuries.
They couldn't remember, or wouldn't admit, to who was driving.

Next day, one of the nurses reported that, while giving one of them a bed bath, she noticed he had DORF bruised into his chest, from the steering wheel.

Leastaways, that's the story as I heard it from someone who workied IN that hospital.

.

.

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her, and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her... and made love.
When he finished, the wife said: "You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And then she switched on the light...
"No madam," said the gardener.

Every picture tells a story.

This one, posted by Janolov, on his "Good morning" message for May 29th, 2023, now tells TWO stories, because it inspired me to make one up!

"The pirates needed SHOVELS to bury their treasure. Planned to STEAL them.

But, as they approached the apparently unguarded tool shed, all eyes on the prize, nobody noticed that behind them was the periscope of  a Scorpion class submarine."

quote:

---

Originally posted by mike gregory

Every picture tells a story.

This one, posted by Janolov, on his "Good morning" message for May 29th, 2023, now tells TWO stories, because it inspired me to make one up!

 

"The pirates needed SHOVELS to bury their treasure. Planned to STEAL them.

But, as they approached the apparently unguarded tool shed, all eyes on the prize, nobody noticed that behind them was the periscope of  a Scorpion class submarine."

---

My initial thought was:

"At last, here is a restroom!"

Why would a sailor need a restroom??
Does not the ship have a "POOP DECK"?

Enthusiasm without a good plan BECOMES laughable.

These two GLUED themselves to the conductor's rail at a concert, out of dedication to their CAUSE.

The rail was REMOVABLE, and the concert resumed  THIRTY SECONDS later.

mike gregory Ya gotta admire his dedication to that haircut!

And the earlier posts about airbags and "DORF" reminds me of several years ago I heard an auto accident happen in front of my office. I went to check it out and apparently everyone was safe. The airbag was deployed and right in the middle of the still inflated bag was a perfect imprint of the driver's lips in ruby red lipstick.

quote:

---

Originally posted by mike gregory

Enthusiasm without a good plan BECOMES laughable.

These two GLUED themselves to the conductor's rail at a concert, out of dedication to their CAUSE.

The rail was REMOVABLE, and the concert resumed  THIRTY SECONDS later.

---

absolutely awesome!

On one of the fly-in reserves where we worked, part of their "summer days/celebrations/festival/??" was a "Best Suntan Contest."   Two categories I recall were, "Best Truckers Tan" [i.e. left arm]  and "Best Over-all Tan."

Guys walks into a bar & grill with a big tall ostrich. They sit down at a table and start looking at the menu. The waiter comes over and asks what they'd like.
The guy says: "I'll have the filet. I'd like that medium well and I'll have the baked potato with cream and chives. I'll also have a side salad with that with vinegar and oil."
The ostrich says: "That sounds great! I'll have the same."
As they go to check out, the waiter says : "That will be sixteen dollars and fifty-seven cents."
The guy reaches in his pocket and pulls out the exact change.

That evening, the same guy and the ostrich are back in the bar & grill for dinner.
The guys tells the waiter: "I'll have the surf and turf combo with fries and the house salad and a cup of mushroom soup."
The ostrich says: "Man, that sounds really good! Put me down for the same."
As they go to check out, the waiter says : "That will be thirty-one dollars and forty-two cents."
The guy reaches in his pocket and pulls out the exact change again.

Next day, the same guy and the ostrich are back in the bar & grill for lunch again.
The guys tells the waiter: "I'll have the roast beef sandwich with lettuce and onion and a small Cesar salad with Blu Cheese dressing and a Heineken."
The ostrich says: "You must be a mind reader---that's exactly what I'll have!"
As they go to check out, the waiter says : "You know, I just got to ask you----every time you come in here, you bring that ostrich and you always have exact change.  What's the deal with that??!!
The guy says: "Well, I found a genie's lamp a few years ago and instead of wishing for a fortune, I just wished that I'd always have exactly the right amount of money for anything I wanted to buy all my life."
"That's pretty darn clever," said the waiter, "but how does that explain the ostrich?"
"Well," said the guy, "I also wished I had a cute chick with really long legs that always agreed with everything I said."

Oh, there was a lofty ship!

Subject: Honk if you love Jesus!


>
> Who Needs a good laugh today ???
> Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter,
> The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a * Honk if you love Jesus * bumper sticker ..
> I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
> So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
> Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed , the rest of my day was so memorable.
> I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It was now green .
> It is a good thing someone else loves  Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I never would have noticed.
> I truly realized that lots of people love Jesus !!!
> While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, I was thinking wow ! and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, '
> For the love of .. God !
> 'Go! Go! Go! , Jesus Christ, GO!'
> What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus !!!
> Everyone started honking! God Bless them !
> I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all of those loving people.
> I even honked my horn a few times to share in the all that love! It was amazing.
> There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. ? I’m sure that’s what he said.
> I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
> I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
> Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
> My grandson burst out laughing.
> Why ? Maybe he was also enjoying this religious experience!! Made me proud .
> A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
> So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
> I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad ?? that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
> So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all theHawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
> Praise the Lord ! for such wonderful folks!!
> It made my Day !!
> I Will write again soon,
> Love  and xo Grandma .
>
Slammer!!!

.

From the I-sure-never-saw-that-coming department:  Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

With the Sumner Tunnel in Boston shut down for repairs this summer the commuters are suffering from Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome.

The man who invented predictive text died yesterday. The funnel will be held tomato.

Two foreigners come to United States for the first time.
They have very little knowledge about U.S. culture,
So they stop at a fast food place.
One sees hot dog on the menu and is shocked.
He tells his friend " look they eat dogs in U.S."
Intrigued he says he will try it.
When his order arrives, he turns to his friend and says:
With my luck guess which part of the dog i got!

******************************************************************************

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"

Oh wait, so you meant that the waitress was on drugs and since the bear ate her, he also became high? HAHAHA