Does your banjo playing clear a room faster than a fire alarm? Tired of playing to the pine trees? What you need is a captive audience!
A good captive audience is one that didn't know they were going to have to listen to you play and either can't or doesn't want to leave for whatever reason. Want to know how to find a good captive audience. Well here are:
Tom's Top Ten Best Captive Audiences:
#10. Sunday school song services with 8-10 year olds (teach them Amazing Grace to the theme from ''Gilligan’s Island'' and you'll have these budding anti-socialists in the palm of your hand - though admittedly reducing the chances of a repeat gig somewhat when they go home singing it over and over and over).
#9. A Pediatrician's waiting room. Kids are suckers for folk music revolving around revolting themes (‘Does Your Chewing Gum Lose it's Flavor on the Bedpost Overnight’, ‘I'm My Own Grandpa’ and anything involving rhythmic belching). No one will run you off.The kids won't stand for it and the nurse will think the doctor has hired a clown because he's tired of the kids chewing the wallpaper.
#8. Bus stations (these are usually short gigs as police tend to quickly break up groups of wandering, singing winos)
#7. The depression unit at a local psych hospital (hint: They really get off on THE BLUES)
#6. The obsessive compulsive unit at the local psych hospital (''One Million Bottles of Beer On the Wal1'' is a huge hit with this crowd - be prepared for an encore or two)
#5. The hyperactivity treatment unit at an adolescent psych hospital (Lots of bluegrass banjo keeps the crowd lively - wear helmets, knee & shoulder pads)
#4. Large metropolitan modern art museums (just pose briefly by the ugliest bit of wreckage you can find in the lobby (it's art), strum an occasional minor 7th Augmented chord, then move to another object d' art and repeat - everybody will assume it's part of the art display (''Well, darling, as I see it, the artist has created a synthesis of sculpture and juxtaposed the pure expression of line and subtle shading with the contrasting descant of the entire Flatt & Scrags folk hedonic as expressed by the young actor with the banjo and the hat at his feet. I think we put money in the hat. it's part of the whole hillbilly/street singer 'noire you see! ''(This can actually be a paying gig if they like you – bring business cards)
#3. Large sewers. There are, as far as I know no regulations against singing in a metropolitan sewer, the acoustics are dynamite, you can - with only limited amplification - be heard for a range of 15 city blocks and your songs will be listened to by more people than your average FM Public Radio station gets on pledge week. You can put one of those tornado coin twirls things by a handy storm drain if you want to make this a paying gig.
#2. On the water near lakeport villas. You need a duck and a kayak for this – just tie a hat to the back of a trained duck on a string who swims to the docks and collects contributions from unsuspecting retirees who think this is another one of those ''atmosphere things'' the condo association has cooked up - also another paying gig.
and finally the #1 captive audience for your banjo playing…….
Two words - Farm animals!
Hope this helps you find an appreciative audience for your talents!
Occupation: Freelance Writer, nonprofit consultant & grant writer
Gender: Male Age: 71
My Instruments: Squared Eel custom banjo, Goya classical guitar
Favorite Bands/Musicians: Clancy Brothers, Earl Scruggs, Steve Martin, Connie Dover, Emmy Lou and anyone, Willie Nelson and anyone, Pete Seeger, Arlo Guthrie, Gordon Lightfoot, Alison Kraus, Nickel Creek, Joe Bethancourt
Profile Info:
Visible to: Public
Created 6/26/2007
Last Visit 12/19/2025
I grew up in the small Seventh-day Adventist college town of Keene, Texas where I graduated in 1976 with a degree in English-Communications. I married a Scots-Irish-Indian woman from Monroe, Louisiana and raised three children and some cats and dogs, birds and fish. I’ve taught school, taught swimming, canoeing and sailing, knot tying, camping and astronomy for kids. I’ve water skied on canoe paddles, assorted bits of lumber and my elbows. I have a couple of canoes and a catamaran, 3 guitars, two banjos, a dulcimer, a mandolin, a fiddle, 2 recorders, a penny whistle, fife, a bag of harmonicas, a bodhrain, pair of bones and a jaw harp or two – all of which I play badly.
I’ve helped start up 6 nonprofit organizations in 25 years and raised millions of dollars none of which ever managed to stick to my bank account. I’ve won awards for documentary screen-writing, published poetry and short stories and a book on how to organize a charity golf tournament. I was appointed to a two year term on the Public Transportation Advisory Committee for the Great State of Texas by the Governor and I work as an advocate for seniors, people with disabilities and low income families. I’m a Reagan conservative, which puzzles my fellow advocates, who think I should spontaneously combust from the sheer incongruity. On the other hand, I’ve taught them to speak Republican which has improved their rate of success with the state legislature. I am currently raising funds to expand Tiger Creek Wildlife Refuge here in East Texas. My advocacy work includes children’s issues, expanding public transportation, creating barrier free housing and promoting community wide accessibility standards that allow transportation challenged Texans to fully participate in their communities.
I have three grandchildren, a son and daughter-in-law, my beautiful daughter and her new husband and we live on beautiful Lake Palestine near Tyler, Texas. My middle son, an amazing young man, passed away more than a year ago while finishing his senior year at UT Tyler. He was going to be a teacher.
Since I wrote this, we moved away from the lake, lost almost everything and moved to Puyallup, Washington to live with my wife's sister and brother-in-law. In the midst of a recession and massive unemployment, it seemed to be the thing to do. We've cut our expenses drastically and I'm able to work on finishing up the books I have been working on.
