Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Retold by Tom King (c) 2011
Art by Tom King (c) 2011
(please include credits when stealing)
An Irishman walks into a bar and sees a large poster on the back wall that says, "Ocean Cruises - $200" with an arrow pointing to a door in the back. "I could use a bit of a vacation," he tells himself and knocks at the door. He's ushered in by a large man with a heavy blackthorn sheleleigh wearing a badge that says, "Security". He's taken to a small room where there's a little man sitting at a table with a cash box and a stack of papers. The tiny man motions for him to sit down. "Is it true you offer ocean cruised for only $200." Paddy asked.
"Aye, Bucko, it tis," the man replied. "Put your money in the box and fill out an application while I get your travel documents in order." Figuring he couldn't go far wrong at that price, the Irishman fishes the $200 out of his wallet and drops it in the box. He's just picking up the pen to fill out an "application" when the world goes suddenly black. The Irishman wakes up with a huge knot on the back of his head, sitting stark naked in an inner tube floating down a river toward the sea, which he spies off ahead in the distance. "What a grand fool I've been taken for," he thought resignedly when he suddenly notices another apparently naked man in an inner tube floating a few yards away.
"Och, and isn't this a fine cruise we've purchased for ourselfs?" he shrugged ruefully at his fellow traveler. "Do you suppose they'll serve those little umbrella drinks on this trip," he joked.
"I dunna think so," the Scotsman answered, his thick brogue identifying his nationality.
"And why is that?" the Paddy laughted good-naturedly.
"Well," the Scotsman shot back with some irritation. "They didna' have 'em last year."
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www.twayneking.blogspot.com
Playing Since: 1973
Experience Level: Novice
Interests:
[Jamming] [Socializing] [Helping]
Occupation: Freelance Writer, nonprofit consultant & grant writer
Gender: Male
Age: 71
My Instruments:
Squared Eel custom banjo, Goya classical guitar
Favorite Bands/Musicians:
Clancy Brothers, Earl Scruggs, Steve Martin, Connie Dover, Emmy Lou and anyone, Willie Nelson and anyone, Pete Seeger, Arlo Guthrie, Gordon Lightfoot, Alison Kraus, Nickel Creek, Joe Bethancourt
Classified Rating: not rated
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Visible to: Public
Created 6/26/2007
Last Visit 12/19/2025
I grew up in the small Seventh-day Adventist college town of Keene, Texas where I graduated in 1976 with a degree in English-Communications. I married a Scots-Irish-Indian woman from Monroe, Louisiana and raised three children and some cats and dogs, birds and fish. I’ve taught school, taught swimming, canoeing and sailing, knot tying, camping and astronomy for kids. I’ve water skied on canoe paddles, assorted bits of lumber and my elbows. I have a couple of canoes and a catamaran, 3 guitars, two banjos, a dulcimer, a mandolin, a fiddle, 2 recorders, a penny whistle, fife, a bag of harmonicas, a bodhrain, pair of bones and a jaw harp or two – all of which I play badly.
I’ve helped start up 6 nonprofit organizations in 25 years and raised millions of dollars none of which ever managed to stick to my bank account. I’ve won awards for documentary screen-writing, published poetry and short stories and a book on how to organize a charity golf tournament. I was appointed to a two year term on the Public Transportation Advisory Committee for the Great State of Texas by the Governor and I work as an advocate for seniors, people with disabilities and low income families. I’m a Reagan conservative, which puzzles my fellow advocates, who think I should spontaneously combust from the sheer incongruity. On the other hand, I’ve taught them to speak Republican which has improved their rate of success with the state legislature. I am currently raising funds to expand Tiger Creek Wildlife Refuge here in East Texas. My advocacy work includes children’s issues, expanding public transportation, creating barrier free housing and promoting community wide accessibility standards that allow transportation challenged Texans to fully participate in their communities.
I have three grandchildren, a son and daughter-in-law, my beautiful daughter and her new husband and we live on beautiful Lake Palestine near Tyler, Texas. My middle son, an amazing young man, passed away more than a year ago while finishing his senior year at UT Tyler. He was going to be a teacher.
Since I wrote this, we moved away from the lake, lost almost everything and moved to Puyallup, Washington to live with my wife's sister and brother-in-law. In the midst of a recession and massive unemployment, it seemed to be the thing to do. We've cut our expenses drastically and I'm able to work on finishing up the books I have been working on.
