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Originally posted by Nopix

I kept a stable of cheap mandolins, I'd lone out. There'd be a sheet of two and three chord tunes, and a sheet of two-fingered chords. Some would take years to return. I think one is still at large. I found a fellow that didn't recognize a single tune or song. In fact between church and a.m. radio, he couldn't give me a single song title. I never knew anyone that couldn't sing a dirty song from the back of a schoolbus.

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That's me!    I barely attended any school activities with music; bus or otherwise.  I recognize songs my kids play on Alexa by annoyance level names, meaning I make up a name reflecting how the song annoys me.   I can recognize all the John Williams stuff from his movies, most Bach, anything by Mozart or Brahms, Chopin, and Tchaikovsky.   And Sousa and Copeland this time of year.  I do listen to that music.  And I used to play it loud enough that my kids got up for school.  But it seems different than the I Iv V in the old time songs.  Not in a good or bad way. It's just different with a bit more layered in the classical stuff.  I think it's all western which does come from the circle of fifths I think.  Again, I'm a total novice at music theory and I don't listen to much.  These are the concerts my family took me to in the 70s and 80s.  

How did you get on with the 'classic' fingerstyle banjo and working through the tutor books?

Not all jams are created equally.
Some want to play a few tunes with strangers while others are into furthering their musical careers.

Choosing a tune with difficult timing or chord progressions can impress some while leaving out the others.A jam should include everyone that bothered to show up.

You will never be able to find your way in a jam if you cannot recognize relative pitch (melody) and timing+emphasis (rhythm). You are like someone who was born with one leg, grew up using a wheelchair, and then got fitted with a prosthesis for the first time in adulthood. There's no way you'll just strap on that new leg and even be able to stand, much less walk or run. Your brain is programmed to learn how to walk through a specific set of steps, which are there instinctively when you're about a year old. If you instead start the process at, say, 30, your nervous system still needs to go through all the steps to acquire the skill, but the instinct is gone! You can still learn to walk, but it will take a lot of conscious study, and therapy from someone who understands how to simulate all the steps you missed.

If you never sang or danced as a child, you are going to have to go all the way back to square #1-- like learning to sing "3 Blind Mice", "Mary Had A Little Lamb", and "BINGO", to distinguish instantly among them when you hear them, and to march, tap a foot, or clap hands in time with them, LONG before you'll even start to understand how a jam works.