Kestergram number 3, A Shady Grove is where it all began.

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Posted by Kester on Friday, September 5, 2008

Out of the wooded valley a large figure loomed. It looked around with its scheming eyes, grunted and scratched itself, inappropriately. Before the shaby, but handsome, figure lay the ruins of a cabin. Kester was not impressed and scratched himself again, inappropriately...

Some years ago I rented a cottage off an old Canadian hillbilly. I remember those days fondly and I would love to have similar days again. Not a cottage this time but a cabin. It was there, in that cottage that I first developed a taste for the banjo. One day I found the old hillbilly fixing the breaks on his car,

"Hey Kester," he said, "get in I need to test the wheels". I got in his car and he sped off at high speed through the mountains and valleys. It was then that I realised there was no seat under me. I was sat on the floor holding onto the seat belt for dear life. The old hillbilly began screaming like a maniac, and so did I, but only out of sheer terror.

"Guess what I'ma runnin ma car on?" He said.

"Petrol?" I replied.

"Oh naaa," He said,

"I'ma running this car on chaaainsaw fluid!" He said.

After a few more minutes of driving like a deranged psychopath, he slammed on the breaks. They worked. The seat belt slid from my fingers and I crashed into the dashboard. Thankfully, my face saved me from any real damage. I opened the car door, staggered out, laughed and collapsed on the floor.* It must have been a few minutes before I woke up. As I was out he had put spreadeagled on the bonnet, with my trousers still on!

When I opened my eyes, I looked up and saw stars, billions of stars. The night was clear and as I watched a long shooting star sped across the sky. In the horizon the old hillbilly made his way back to the car, with beer. Years ago while working as a logger a tree fell on his leg and snapped it in half. Today he limps with a built up boot, and yes he really did have missing front teeth. We sat out that night drinking beer singing old songs and laughing and joking. That was one of many times I felt truely free! It was one of many early experiences that would eventually lead me to the banjo.

That is my dream, a simpler happier world full of the exuberance of life. No more tears. One day I will get my cabin and you can join me if you want. I will always be there in one way or another, scratching myself, inappropriately.

*No, you should never engage in dangerous driving. That isn't funny and we were on private land! We were a menace only to ourselves!!!

7 comments on “Kestergram number 3, A Shady Grove is where it all began.”

chriswaring Says:
Saturday, September 6, 2008 @5:06:25 AM

Great story.

muntjac Says:
Saturday, September 6, 2008 @7:00:41 AM

Kester just keep them coming. I wait with anticipation and baited breath for the next installment......Thanks

peghead59 Says:
Sunday, September 7, 2008 @7:03:17 AM

Very funny story. Reminded me of my driving instructor!

Kester Says:
Sunday, September 7, 2008 @7:53:50 AM

Peghead59, these are real accounts and I have far better ones!

peghead59 Says:
Sunday, September 7, 2008 @8:53:28 AM

I got no doubt they are real. I'm imagining sitting down, with my glass of wild turkey, listening to some more. Bring 'em on.

deleted-member-27165 Says:
Wednesday, September 17, 2008 @1:33:33 PM

GOD how I laughed ! This reminds me of on old volkswagon super beetle we had when we were kids with a broken clutch nor functional brakes. we used to drive it trough pipelines and rightaways. Lord that was the good ole days.