Posted by blamethebanjo on Tuesday, April 1, 2008
That is what I feel like I have done all too often.Every time I awake and fail to give thanks for another new day and another chance to get it right I have done a disservice.All too often I have taken for granted the miracle of life and the bounty of blessings that have been bestowed upon me through these many short years.Short because they go by so fast,many because when I look back they seem forever in my memory.
As time passes I think of things that as a young man I never considered.Things like how will I be remembered by those who knew me.No doubt there have been lives touched for some the memories are not pleasant.Too many times I have spoken foolishly and out of turn.I have given my opinion when silence was called for.I have made comments without them being based on facts.I can only hope that I have made things right.I pray I have.
I had a very disturbing dream about myself last night that has my thoughts running in this vein.I found myself in a setting much like a classroom but for adults.I was being unruly and hateful to everyone there.Causing problems for all within my reach.This went on until I was bodily forced to leave the establishment.I had turned on my closest friends with no thought of the outcome.
Finally I was alone, sitting alone on the ground with my head in my hands.Outwardly the rage seemed to be unchanged but inside I was heartbroken and crying.The sadness was so that I thought I would die.When I awoke I thought how so many times I have acted out of hurt or disapointment with anger when inside I was broken and weeping.
Before I close let me give thanks for another day to try make things right.Let me be remembered as a friend to rich and poor alike.I am thankful and need to express it more than I have.I give thanks to The Lord for allowing me to see myself.I thank Him for the disire to do better.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008 @8:08:46 PM
Darrell, I always enjoy your blog comments, stories, willingness to share. Brad (BTW, email me about your occupation)
Tuesday, April 1, 2008 @8:09:14 PM
Darrell, I have found that perfection is unattainable in this life, and perfect we are not. "for there is no man that liveth and sinneth not." It seems you are very sensitive, and that is a gift of God. "blessed is everyone who fears the Lord and walks in His ways." Your dream reminds me of the weariness induced by the incessant conflict between the flesh and the spirit which can so often weigh heavily upon the soul. I too thank Him for the desire to do better. Another great post!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008 @8:32:03 PM
Thank you both for the encouragement. I felt in the dream that the real me was the man who was crying and not the hateful,rude one.I find this to be true in my real world.Often the outward man is a mere mask.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008 @8:57:44 PM
PM on the way.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008 @4:14:04 AM
Hmmmm I am no dream expert but I read somewhere once that dreams often represent another side of us that we fear is in us - not necessarily the side we exhibit. Think of the times you dream you are taking an exam, but have not studied at all. It's just anxiety, and you are a man with a conscience. We all need to curb our tongues at times, to show more patience, to be a better listener, to give of ourselves more, to be less proud. I agree with Banjosis, your dream probably represents the inate human conflict between good and evil (those are extremes). I think of the times I have bee angry and realize that anger is just fear....when we can identify what we are afraid of, the anger tends to dissipate.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008 @9:30:15 AM
Good thoughts.Nice to hear from you too.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008 @1:20:18 PM
Hi, Darrell... You're a stand up guy. Confronting your bad side and getting a grip on it, then asking for frogiveness is all anyone can ever do. In the asking, comes the finding, for you and everyone else. You, and they both come away better for it all, and take comfort in knowing that nothing you did or said created any permanent damage. No one I know is a saint.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008 @2:35:50 PM
Thanks Stanger. I am trying hard.I appreciate your comments a lot.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008 @7:32:33 PM
Hello Darrell - you're a brave guy to look at what you think are faults etc. But I don't think you really are a guy with bad notions. Sometimes, when we get cross with other people, we wish we had kept quiet. but people that are our friends can often sense when we've been having a rough time - and if they are true friends will always be understanding and forgiving. I haven't been a member her for very long, but you've always been a good friend to me, and I appreciate that a lot. Many thanks for sharing your dreams and thoughts. Regards and best wishes. Bryan.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008 @8:13:07 PM
Bryan, Learning to live with constant pain has been a hard task for me.It seems sometimes the only thoughts I have are controlled every minute because of it.This is no excuse but I believe it to be a contributing factor.What you say about friendship is very true.Friends I have had for a long time have been loyal through it all.I am thankful for them all as well as newer ones like yourself.
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