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Parenting

Posted by bayouland on Thursday, November 30, 2006

Parenting

by David Pericone



Being a parent myself, and having been fortunate enough to have parents, I have made some observations that I believe are common to all families with children. These "truths" are presented here, along with a few small snippets of advice. Let the new and soon-to-be parents beware. These things WILL happen to you.

Your car will smell...Bad!

Don't deny being a soccer mom. If you drive a minivan or an suv you ARE a soccer mom.

Your child will fart...LOUD, and in public. Just pretend you didn't notice and when you get home you can both marvel at how bad it smelled.

If you don't know how to answer your child, "Go ask your Mother" usually works for me.

Go to all his/her little league games. They look for you in the bleachers.

Dads take your boys fishing. You may not catch anything but they will always remember the time together...And the lies you tell.

When they are telling you someting they seem excited about, pretend to be just as excited.

Their room is not dirty. They are conducting scientific experiments.

You WILL occasionally have to pull over to the side of the road for your son to pee. (And maybe your husband too).

Kids fall and kids bleed. You can't prevent it. Give him a band-aid and kiss the bobo. It's a proven fact that a mother's kiss can heal anything.

Kids can't keep secrets. Don't tell them what you are getting your wife for her birthday.

Babies pee on you... Period.

A temperature of 98.7 is no reason to call a doctor.

Play a game of catch.

The first time you use a rectal thermometer, they WILL poop on you.

Have proper burials for their fish, turtles, birds, frogs, etc.

"Come pull my finger" will ALWAYS get a laugh from your kids...and some adults.

The bathroom is no longer a place of privacy.

All boys will ask why their baby sister does not have a "wee-wee."

Not until their 20's do they realize how that quartrer got behind their ear.

It's fun for you and your kids to moon your wife.

Your son WILL tell Daddy about that speeding ticket you got.

Don't dress your kids up like little china dolls and expect them not to get dirty. Kids are attracted to dirt. It's in their molecular makeup.

Don't be embarrassed when your child sneezes on the produce in the grocery store and then yells "I GOT SNOT!"

Say "I love you"... Often.



Copyright © 2006 David Pericone


14 comments on “Parenting”

brokenstrings Says:
Friday, December 8, 2006 @11:09:56 AM

You are too right, and I like the way you write. Also the banjo-related comment in your bio, "I think I'm in love."
Jessy

Guy Says:
Monday, December 11, 2006 @4:42:23 AM

Cool Blog David,

I never had kids myself, It's not my thing but I'm sure that if more parents had your attitude there'd be a lot more happy kids around.

Guy Says:
Monday, December 11, 2006 @4:48:07 AM

P.S I hope you don't mind, I sent a copy to my sister, she's a real good Mom too and I know she'll love it. It's probably all round Leicestershire by now.

FriPilot Says:
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 @11:48:22 PM

Well said and written, David!
 I raised a daughter on my own from the time she was 4 years old. All of what you say is true, I swear it!

Seriously, that was the most rewarding time of my life. I wouldn't have missed being a parent for the world.
Now, at age 39, she lives in a land far far away (Florida) and I don't have nearly the time I wish I had, to go for a visit.
My grand daughter just turned 9 years old. I haven't seen her for quite some time. I guess I need to start saving
up for a train ticket. I don't fly much any more. The airlines and "homeland defense" really p.ss me off.

Don Borchelt Says:
Tuesday, December 11, 2007 @3:37:02 AM

Wayne G. Says:
Thursday, January 3, 2008 @6:07:18 AM

All true. Especially the one about peeing on you. I delivered my grandson in my car on the way to the hospital. First thing he did was pee on me.

Sean ONeel Says:
Thursday, January 31, 2008 @8:16:24 PM

Just remember: The difference between boogers and asparagus is that a toddler won't eat asparagus.

plunka5 Says:
Saturday, February 23, 2008 @9:05:42 PM

great blog David!

wrentree Says:
Tuesday, March 11, 2008 @10:13:17 PM

I know some kids who would kill to have a parent like you. Harold

Shorty Says:
Saturday, February 28, 2009 @12:37:28 PM

Right on Man ! you can't go wrong by doing Right !

AndyM Says:
Sunday, October 17, 2010 @7:43:28 AM

Especially like the one about taking the kids fishing and they'll listen to "the lies you tell".....Hah!

Bilbo1 Says:
Friday, October 22, 2010 @1:23:26 PM

Great blog!! I had to pick up my youngest son from school a while back & called into the bank on the way home. We were standing in the queue, he looked up at me and asked (very loudly) "Dad, why have you got zillions of hairs up your nose"?! I gave him one of my looks but it didn't have an effect. Then he asked if he'd have hairs up his nose when he's a man & when I replied yes he shouted "Uurghh... thats sooo gross"!! I couldnt get out of there fast enough

buckbybanjoboy Says:
Saturday, October 23, 2010 @2:23:33 AM

A very funny blog David, and so true. ........... I nearly wet myself................... a not uncommon feeling these days. Regards Peter V.

5stringpicker2 Says:
Monday, October 25, 2010 @12:31:01 PM

Exactly! it's all true. I raised 3 girls and several foster girls and they are no better than boys. at times, even worse. but, ya gotta love'em anyway
it's hard not too.

(I )===='---<::)

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