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feeling lonely

Posted by Mr. Quimby on Friday, July 6, 2007

There's nothing quite like a week with a holiday right in the middle of it to really bring home just how lonely I get sometimes.  I chat at folks with work (them: "got any plans for the holiday?"  me: "no, just planning to relax, maybe get some laundry done, do some spinning, pull out the banjo....") and sometimes I feel like I can fool myself into thinking that I'm doing it from choice.  Like I really want to be at home, like I really like the thought of having a day all to myself.

But for some reason this week in particular I really wasn't able to convince myself.  Time to be honest with myself I guess.  The real reason I'm at home alone is because I don't have anywhere else to be.  The real reason I'm not hanging out with friends is because really I don't have that many friends and the friends that I do have are really somewhere more along the line of "casual acquaintance" than "best buddy".

Which makes me wonder sometimes if I missed something somewhere along the way.  Like maybe there was a class I missed in kindergarten: "Making Friends 101".  Guess I must have been sick that day or something.  Because I just don't really understand how it is that people make friends.  I try but it just doesn't seem to work.  I meet people, usually through work, I hang out with them at work, we laugh and have a good time, and then sooner or later someone says, "We should get together sometime for lunch/dinner/a movie."  Great.  But lunch or dinner or a movie never seem to materialize.  Sometimes I wait patiently for someone to invite me.  Sometimes I make a suggestion--"hey, want to try to do dinner sometime next week?"  But if I wait the invitation never comes.  And if I make the invitation, it always gets turned down.  "Oh I'm really busy next week.  Maybe some other time."  But there never is another time.

I joke about it sometimes.  "Yeah, another boring weekend at home.  You know me, I don't have any friends.  Ha, ha, ha."  But you know what?  It's really not funny.

People are sometimes amazed that I managed to go to school part time to get my masters while working a full time job and a part time job in addition.  What they don't understand is that the reason I could do it, the reason I did it, was because it filled in the long empty hours.  And now that I've graduated and I have time to "enjoy myself" I find myself longing to be in school again instead of sitting at home one more night.

Tonight at least I will have something to do.  An old college friend is in town for the weekend and we're getting together to reminisce and eat pizza.  But then she heads back to Alaska and I'll head back to my lonely apartment and see what I can do to get through the rest of the weekend.



5 comments on “feeling lonely”

HoosierGal Says:
Friday, July 6, 2007 @6:51:29 PM

I'll be your buddy.. maybe we could meet an event sometime. Don't feel bad, I don't get out much either. I've done a lot of things alone for years.. but it gets boring after a while and I tend to not go if I have to go alone. We should start some BHO events.. where people just get together once a month and have fun. Hmmm, maybe I'll post a thread about that.

Sid Langley Says:
Saturday, July 7, 2007 @5:04:41 AM

I 'lost' a favourite thumbpick last weekend and searched high and low for it to no avail. During the week I forgot about it, got on with my routine and spotted it out of the blue hidden in a corner of my kitchen while eating breakfast today. Relax and life will creep up on you ...

sid

Shatfield Says:
Saturday, July 7, 2007 @10:36:32 AM

Sorry to hear your down Jenn.   Ya need to get out and find some jams!!!  Of course you always have the BHO where you have lots of friends!!

keith arneson Says:
Saturday, July 7, 2007 @11:04:20 AM

In the DC area, there are a few jams to check out.  One is in Arlington VA on the 2nd and 4th Sunday of every month and it's called CABOMA (Capital Area Bluegrass and Old Time Music Assn.) and another is held in Catonsville MD at Appalachian Bluegrass shop but I'm not exactly sure when.  I grew up and learned how to play in the CABOMA org and made some great friends as well!

Keith

chuckles50 Says:
Saturday, July 7, 2007 @12:32:26 PM

I suspect many people here at BHO can relate to your post Jennifer, including myself. Your summation of "friends" at work is exactly the same as I have experienced. I tell myself it's because I'm on the backside of 50 and 99% of my work associates are your age (20+ years younger). But I have learned to value my solitude as I am musically most productive when alone. Perhaps I am fast approaching that doddering old codger state mydogjo speaks of, but I'm going to my first summer bluegrass weekend next month and surely will meet a few like minded people. Have faith. 

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