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Posted by djingodjango on Thursday, June 23, 2011
A blog or so ago I mentioned the wedding of a friend, we'll call him Elmer. It was a tableau of faith and humility and love.
But Elmer has, over the years, been unable to right his own boat and guide it through the shoals of life without sending out an SOS every few months or so.
Bright red flares of personal anguish.
By that, I mean he is needy. And because our Thursday morning prayer group is, in actuality, the only family he has, outside of his wife, we receive the distress signals. On a regular basis.
Elmer's latest frightened phone call came earlier this week to one of the men in our group. "You've got to help me. I am going to be homeless at the end of the month." By saying "me" we assume it means his new wife also.
This friend to whom Elmer cried out in desperation, has rented part of his home to Elmer. Several times. Sometimes without receiving rent money for weeks on end, which he forgave and allowed him to continue living there with no rent. But the place was a mess, and after many months of frustration, when he finally left, the place was a disaster.
This is not the only place and person in our group who offered and then regretted the offer of a place for Elmer to live several months down that road.
Our needy friend is mostly blind. He cannot mentally be above a 5th or 6th grade level in reading and comprehensive skills. Elmer is the sweetest man you could ever ask for. He always speaks a kind word where it is called for and lend an ear to hear your troubles.
This week at our morning get together, Elmer was not there (probably because his car has died or he has lost his license) and we pondered his situation.
Should we offer to help? Should we guide him to social services? Social security? County assistance? Food stamps? Government assistance programs? And the answer was no.
No; because we have guided him to all those assistance programs before and he never went, never called, and he refused our offer to take him to those programs.
One of the men quietly said..."Don't you think that we have done all we can do? And don't you think that God has a plan for him and that plan includes the possibility that he has to fail. To be on the street. To be so low that he will have no choice but to contact the services available?"
And that, as harsh as it appeared, made sense. You cannot help yourself if you always depend on others. If Elmer had heeded the advice when first it was offered, he would not be in such desperate straits now.
We will still be his friends. We will always be there for him. But there comes a time when you must stand up and walk.
I think that time has come.
(C) 2011 George Locke
2 comments on “When A Frightened Friend Calls”
Banjov1 Says:
Thursday, June 23, 2011 @10:57:43 AM
Tough situation... sounds like you're doing everything possible... and this recent group decision is the best way to move forward.
It's kind of scary, but I think there are a lot of Elmers out there in the world today.
beetlegeist Says:
Monday, July 4, 2011 @1:02:16 PM
This was good to read. It helped me. I am in a similar situation with two people and last year with another person. The person from last year has never forgiven me but he would not understand. Sometimes help becomes counter productive. When that happens you just have to say, 'goodbye.'
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