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Posted by djingodjango on Sunday, June 19, 2011
It don't come with a handbook.
Or directions on how to do it.
Oh sure; after the fact there is always Dr. Spock or other self-help guides. But the initial package contains an empty space in the "How To" section.
You have to learn together. You and your partner. Each day and each month and each year. And adding another doesn't make it any easier. It just adds texture to a lifelong commitment.
I'm talking about fatherhood. Without a capital "F" for adding the higher case would make it stand above the job of parenting, and parenting takes precedent on the sex involved.
Single mothers can be, and sometimes must be, both. And they should have a capitol letter.
So are grandparents who sometimes must take on a parental role again; late in life and unplanned.
As do the single fathers. The older brother or sister. Or aunts, uncles and step fathers and mothers.
I love this day. Not for the chance I have to relax for a few moments and plunge into the things I enjoy. Writing, playing the banjo or guitar; singing, watching baseball or golf, watching movies and having a great dinner.
No.
I love it for those things which are not solitary amusements but must be enjoyed in the company of the ones you love.
That's why some of my kids and I will be attending a college-level league baseball game later this afternoon. Go Laconia Muskrats.
I have made mistakes as an early father with my older kids. If I had a time machine, I would go back and try to fix all the wrong things I did. Self-absorbed and egotistical silly things. Neglectful things. Dangerous things. Wrong choices.
But I can't and we can't as parents beat ourselves up about the errors we made. They made it this far and they did it with the skills we had at the time, for in the vast scheme of things, it is not what we did or didn't do as a parent. It is where our hearts were. And they were always with the children, though at times we might not have thought so.
As fathers, we bought those wrinkly, squalling tiny people into this world. When we first saw them, they were the most perfect, beautiful things we had ever beheld.
And then we did hold them and a bond was formed.
I have given life to nine children in the past sixty-eight years. And everyone of them is perfect. I made mistakes, and yes, I regret some things. But I have never regretted bringing them into this world to share in this mad, glorious, sometimes insane thing we call living.
So,al though we didn't get any handbooks, we have found time to publish our own. And the published copy lies within the pictures, newspaper clippings, faded baby clothes and broken toys and the memories we possess.
I wish you all, from the bottom of my heart, the finest fathers day you have ever had. And if you are not a father, yet may one day be one I say....Hang on, for it is going to be the ride of your life.
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