Posted by nechville on Monday, April 4, 2011
My gorgeous wife Jane and I try to get away to a tropical place once every 2 years, I did bring my electric banjo along, and got a chance to sit in with a great Latin band. I played Hotel California and the banjo sounded great amid the horns, keyboard and other instruments. The following story has nothing to do with banjos. It's embarrassing and I warn you to avoid this kind of danger altogether. I wish I had, but luckily, I was OK and it turned out mildly amusing anyway. If you have ever been to an "all inclusive" style resort, you'll probably relate to this.
The first full day in The Dominican Republic, Monday, I swam up to the waterfall bar and ordered a double, believing the drinks to be watered down as previously discussed with my wife. (It's obviously all her fault...) Anyway I finished myself off by toasting with Mamawannas, that's the special Dominican drink you shoot with the bartenders, high fives and all.
I had to reconstruct the scene over the subsequent few days. Whenever I saw a vaguely familiar face, I asked the person if they saw me on Monday mid to late afternoon. Invariably they would say, "Of course, Tom", and they'd know all about me, but I didn't have a clue who they were. So I then asked the vaguely familiar person if they had seen my custom ping pong paddle, tennis shoes or cheap romance novel that I had lost that day. No one had seen any of them, I was actually embarrassed to mention my book, "Date with a Billionaire". My next question to the vaguely familiar person was, "What Happened?" I wish I could make this story interesting by saying that I did Tarzan swings from the chandeliers, but I was apparently pretty under control getting Mamawanna- faced, and yucking it up under the waterfall with vaguely familiar tourists and bartenders, until I stepped from the safety of the bar, back through the waterfall and into the big world of the meandering pool.
As later reported by some vaguely familiar persons, I had exited the bar and started doing and underwater kind of "Jaws" stroke, the only part above water being my strangely flailing arms. I must have been exercising my sore shoulder joint, but I either was bothering people or they mistook my creative shoulder therapy for drowning, not sure, but security yanked me out. It was only 2 feet deep! The next thing I knew Jane was saying, "Yes he belongs to me", as the security-sober-cab driver dropped me (literally) at my room.
Well every good story has to have a happy ending. The next day I inquired as to where the lost and found was, I asked everybody about my stuff, (except for the book) The lost and found consisted of a hankie and a rubber duck for the whole million-room megaplex. I went back there a hundred times over the next 3 days, and they kept telling me that was THE ONLY PLACE it could be but they still only had a hankie and a rubber duck. I even filled out a special request form to put out an all-points-bulletin, just because we wanted to play tennis and they wouldn't let us play without my shoes. I guess it was Thursday night when I had lost all hope of getting anything back, when Yimy, our favorite waiter told us that the articles had appeared. Sure enough, he went and got them, all except "Date with a Billionaire" and the next day we were on the court again. I finally got to practice my ping pong serves too, not expecting anyone there to give me a run for my money. Nevertheless, having heard snippets of French conversations all week, and wanting to learn the language, I was eager to meet a French speaker, and particularly a Ping-pong playing Frenchie. Just then a big Bonjour guy thundered up and he was a great player, He actually took the first game before I finally sobered up and brought pride back to America. It was so fun we made a date for the next day. He didn't show up, (the coward) but after a few practice serves, another Parisian appeared and we played for 2 hours! Moral of the story is: Visualize the ideal scenario, but don't loose sight of your vision!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011 @6:28:56 AM
WOW............ I thought the moral was, stay sober, and keep an eye on your belongings (even the romance novel). But it sounds like you had a good time anyway Tom and that's all that matters! Safe travels.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011 @9:05:19 AM
This sounds even more exciting than your Marmite escapades.
Monday, April 11, 2011 @3:07:31 PM
I've been to an all-inclusive resort...they can be dangerous!
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