TScottHilton - Posted - 02/27/2026:  23:16:13

So I just had a bar gig. It was kind of last minute. A friend of mine had this gig scheduled, but had some people in the band drop out and so they couldn't play for the full three hours. I agreed to play for two hours after they played for the first hour.

I usually gig solo. I do a mix of guitar and banjo with harmonica, and I also play a suitcase drum with my feet. One pedal for a kick drum, and one for a snare drum.

So here's where the question comes into play:
As the first band was getting off stage, I started setting up my gear. I got my mics plugged into the system, set up my suitcase drum and then did a final tune on my banjo and guitar. I had to scramble to do this in a timely fashion so there wasn't a big gap in between. So I'm standing on the stage, tuning my guitar, just finished the sound check and I'm ready to start playing when this guy walks up with his little kids and asks if they can play my drums. I was a little bit flabbergasted. I'm not sure if he was someone that my friend knew, but he was a complete stranger to me. And I guess what really struck me the wrong way was the timing of it. Did he not see me scrambling just seconds before to get everything set up so I could start performing? And what happens if his kid kicks a hole through my drum? It's not a toy. I feel like I'm there to play music, not provide instruments for people to try out.

I said as politely as possible "maybe afterwards" to indicate that now was really not the time. But I'm starting to feel bad like I ruined this guy's evening and maybe really disappointed a kid who's interested in music. They were gone when I stopped playing. Am I the jerk in this situation?

NNYJoe - Posted - 02/28/2026:  01:41:52

Are you the jerk? No.
Is daddy being a jerk for asking?
Ignorant perhaps, but not a jerk.
Unless he acted like one when you politely declined his request.
You were polite, right???

GS - Posted - 02/28/2026:  04:34:00

No. Wouldn't concern yourself about it...at all.
Have a fine day.

banjered - Posted - 02/28/2026:  05:54:09

I would have something like, "I'd love to have your kid play but the people who hired me really want me to get on with my music. Maybe another time..." Or something like that. You were at a gig, not the farmer's market. So you did OK, move on. banjered

eagleisland - Posted - 02/28/2026:  06:17:31

Nopix - Posted - 02/28/2026:  06:18:39

Before I read your answer/reply to Dad, I was thinking the exact same response. Not saying ima genius, but if you're somehow wrong, I'm also, somehow wrong.
Naw, don't think so. (This time)

cottontop - Posted - 02/28/2026:  06:26:08

I always tell them that my instruments are insured and the insurance company won't allow anyone to play my instruments but me. Works every time.
Joe

Joel Hooks - Posted - 02/28/2026:  06:41:09

Would anyone take their car in and as the mechanic is putting it on the lift ask “can my kid play with your socket set?”

Would anyone buying groceries ask the clerk “can my kid play with your register?”

Would anyone walk up to a police officer and ask “can my kid play with your taser” or can my kid drive your car?”

These are the tools of your job, those questions are just as rude and out of line as what was asked of you.

Tim Jumper - Posted - 02/28/2026:  07:41:04

Short answer: "No."
Long answer: "Not at all."

banjoy - Posted - 02/28/2026:  08:23:08

No.

35planar - Posted - 02/28/2026:  08:54:50

I would've replied the same way under those circumstances. You offered an opening for the kids to come back and they and the dad heard that. You did the right thing for certain.

Edited by - 35planar on 02/28/2026 08:55:20

TScottHilton - Posted - 02/28/2026:  09:58:00

quote:

---

Originally posted by NNYJoe

Are you the jerk? No.

Is daddy being a jerk for asking?

Ignorant perhaps, but not a jerk.

Unless he acted like one when you politely declined his request.

You were polite, right???

---

No he didn't really react at all. I just went back to tuning and then they walked away. I really only said those two words, so I hope it came off as polite.

jdskyler - Posted - 02/28/2026:  12:56:04

Nope. Your equipment may appear to be toys to this Father, but they are yours. You are well within your rights to say no. Politely but NO.

Will Frady - Posted - 02/28/2026:  18:40:08

You handled it like a pro . The audacity of folks these days ! It’s probably the first time the kids have heard the No. Don’t sweat it Tyler . Good job ole boy .

PKM - Posted - 03/01/2026:  09:08:39

You did precisely the right thing !!
We enjoy engaging kids when the opportunity arises but within boundaries.
As an example, we had a 7 year old kid come up at our last gig and request Country Roads. We know it but don't normally play it, and my response was, "Yes, if you'll help us sing it". I lowered my mic to his level and I got on my knees so we could share the mic. The audience went ape-s*** ! and flooded the tip bucket. Mom & Dad took photos & videos, and it was great fun. But,... the situation you had was very different !! The kid singing with us couldn't really do damage to the song, and obviously couldn't potentially damage valuable equipment !
I wouldn't give it another thought. You did good.