GranaryTreeMusic - Posted - 09/05/2021:  15:03:38

Since most banjo jokes are about banjos being godawful loud, I figured this would be an appropriate way to promote my little gizmo here--the Dapper Dampener banjo mute!

I invented these to be an aesthetic solution for dampening--that is, to replace the obligatory rag-or-sock-stuffed-behind-the-head that has scandalized the infamous vanity of banjo players for over a century. But much to my delight, it ended up serving as a really versatile little practice mute too! This little doodad basically serves as a manual volume and tone control, and aught to come in handy for performers and private players alike. On top of acting as a tone dampener, you can subtly adjust your instrument's volume by changing this dampening doohicky's proximity to the bridge.

The contest is simple: The first three Hangout members to drop a banjo joke below get a free dampener of their choice--either leather or brass capped and in the appropriate size--shipped on my dime.

I have yet to find a banjo made with dowel stick construction that one or another of these mutes won't fit--just be ready to take a measurement or work with me so I can get you the right size for your instrument. (I use a quarter for sizing reference, so check your bank account before entering.)

That's it! Jokes away!

Visit my (slowly budding) site below for more information on the Dapper Dampener and while you're at it check out my special internally threaded, dual action luthiers' spool clamps, available in tooled leather or cork.

granarytreemusic.wordpress.com/

And be sure to check out my Hangout classified ad for more info:

banjohangout.org/classified/88803

 

Lobstertrician - Posted - 09/05/2021:  16:04:54

They look a little like a door knob Cody, which reminds me, speaking of doors and knobs, last night my rude neighbour started banging on my door at around 2am! Luckily I was still up practicing banjo...

GranaryTreeMusic - Posted - 09/05/2021:  16:29:37

DING DING DING (No that’s not the doorbell. We have our first winner!) That took me embarrassingly long to put together. I was pumping gas and staring into space when the light went on ha. I’ll send you a PM to get your details here shortly!!!

BeeEnvironment - Posted - 09/05/2021:  16:34:51

Well, not looking to win anything, but I'll just tell you a simple joke I heard before.

2 banjoists, from different nationalities, met while playing their banjos. He (a man banjo player), said to another banjo player to please give him a G on the banjo. She, the other banjo player, does so. Then the He walks away saying "Thanks Awfully"

To be honest, I heard of that from Pete's Banjo book. The 'joke' or saying goes something like that!

Russ

BeeEnvironment - Posted - 09/05/2021:  16:53:31

quote:

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Originally posted by BeeEnvironment

Well, not looking to win anything, but I'll just tell you a simple joke I heard before.



2 banjoists, from different nationalities, met while playing their banjos. He (a man banjo player), said to another banjo player to please give him a G on the banjo. She, the other banjo player, does so. Then the He walks away saying "Thanks Awfully"



To be honest, I heard of that from Pete's Banjo book. The 'joke' or saying goes something like that!



Russ

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Also, just as a side note to what I posted above, I don't really need a banjo sound muter, as my banjo does not have a, I think its called, a wooden dowel/neck extension. But, if anyone here sure could use it in my replacement, please feel free! I will be glad knowing they go to someone that might need it.

blazo - Posted - 09/05/2021:  17:32:01

What's the best pickup to put on a banjo?

Dodge Ram.

GranaryTreeMusic - Posted - 09/05/2021:  18:18:00

quote:

---

Originally posted by BeeEnvironment

quote:

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Originally posted by BeeEnvironment

Well, not looking to win anything, but I'll just tell you a simple joke I heard before.



2 banjoists, from different nationalities, met while playing their banjos. He (a man banjo player), said to another banjo player to please give him a G on the banjo. She, the other banjo player, does so. Then the He walks away saying "Thanks Awfully"



To be honest, I heard of that from Pete's Banjo book. The 'joke' or saying goes something like that!



Russ

---

Also, just as a side note to what I posted above, I don't really need a banjo sound muter, as my banjo does not have a, I think its called, a wooden dowel/neck extension. But, if anyone here sure could use it in my replacement, please feel free! I will be glad knowing they go to someone that might need it.

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Well that is mighty kind of you good sir! In honor of your charitable spirit I will happily gift a mute to a Hangout member who can't afford one. If you're reading this and are interested in trying a mute but don't feel you can afford one then please reach out, I'll post here once said mute is claimed.

That said I'll take this entry as a draw and happily report that there's still a mute to be won! Keep the jokes coming!

GranaryTreeMusic - Posted - 09/05/2021:  18:25:54

quote:

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Originally posted by blazo

What's the best pickup to put on a banjo?



Dodge Ram.

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That's certainly one way to pick up a dampener! No dodging that. Well done sir!

That's two dampeners claimed, and an extra one for a hard up Hangouter! There's still one left, keep it coming!

I'll PM you shortly Mr. Blazo, thank you!

Omeboy - Posted - 09/05/2021:  18:59:08

(Not for competition purposes---just for fun):



Many light-years somewhere past Alpha Centuri on an undiscovered planet, some well-intended aliens realized that their collection of inter-galactic brains was not quite complete. They needed one more specimen to really cap it off: they need a human brain. So the Council of Elders summoned their best man for the job, Unit Zork. They gave him a little hand-held device that would instantly cause total cooperation from any human he might encounter and sent him to the Harvard Med school in Boston to collect the specimen. Once there, Zork easily gained admittance into the very heart of the med school with the aid of his cooperation device. Within 15 minutes, he had free reign of the impressive human brain collection at Harvard. After several minutes, Zork admired a nice specimen and asked what it was. The lab assistant said it was the brain of a former concert violinist. "Gee, this is really nice. How much for this violinist brain?" asked Zork as he admired the convoluted symmetry. "We could probably let that one go for 200 dollars." answered the helpful assistant. Then Zork noticed another brain that looked even more appealing. "Oh wow! What's this one?'' "Oh, that was a banjo player's brain," the assistant said with a note of nonchalance. "Very very nice," said Zork as admired its cerebral serenity. "Soooo, how much for this one?" Glancing at the ceiling, the assistant said: "That could probably go for about ten thousand dollars." "Wait a minute!!!" Zork blurted in amazement. "I don't understand why there is such a fantastic price difference!!?? I mean the concert violinist brain is only 200 bucks and the banjo player's brain is ten thousand!!! Why the big difference??" "Welllllllll," said the lab assistant, "you have to consider that the banjo player's has hardly ever been used."

Timothy Lindblom - Posted - 09/05/2021:  19:24:46

Heard this one recently:



What’s the difference between a banjo and an onion?

Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo!

And a few bonuses: 



If a banjo and a guitar were both dropped 50 feet, which would land first? The guitar. The banjo had to stop to tune



What’s the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

You have to take off your shoes to Jump on a trampoline



What do you call 10 banjo players buried up to their necks in sand?

Not enough sand

I will say that although your mutes look nice, I unfortunately don't have a use for one since I play a resonator banjo with metal coordinating rods and not wood. So the jokes were just for free 

Edited by - Timothy Lindblom on 09/05/2021 19:31:14

DC5 - Posted - 09/06/2021:  05:35:55

The definition of perfect pitch is tossing a banjo into a dumpster and it landing on an accordion.

GranaryTreeMusic - Posted - 09/06/2021:  11:54:28

Well we certainly got some great bonus jokes out of the deal! Luckily a Hangouter has reached out and claimed the extra charity mute, so as long as DC5 is in it to win it, we have ourselves a closed contest!

I’ll be reaching out to Lobstertrican , blazo , and Mr. DC5 shortly to round up shipping information and style preference.

Feel free to get in touch with any questions or to order a dampener if you missed out this go around—I may be raising the price at some point just for the record. And feel free to keep the jokes flyin’—it can’t hurt in my opinion!

For those curious, a coordinator rod version IS in the works, and I could use some measurements (of between the co-rod and head) if at all possible to get a design together. I’ll keep a list going and knock a few bucks off your order if you can help me get a prototype worked out! (Including the kind HO member here who reached out with the suggestion.) Just send me measurements along with what type of banjo they came off, I’ll be very grateful.

Lastly, I know these things aren’t about to start flying off the shelves—it’s going to take some word of mouth and a long steady climb to get them out there, so I humbly ask for your support and participation to help get this somewhat novel but hardly useless idea out there. They really are pretty fun to toy with!

My boundless gratitude and very best wishes to all! Thanks for the laughs and happy Labor Day!

DC5 - Posted - 09/07/2021:  08:46:09

Great, I look forward to it and will review it here. Not in the games section, but on the BHO

What's the difference between a banjo and an accordion? A banjo burns hotter, but an accordion burns longer.

mike gregory - Posted - 09/07/2021:  14:41:41

First mention of the Bible is in the OLD Testament......
When Moses told the Israelites
"Pick up your banjos, and let's get the pluck OUT of here!"

Leaving Egypt

 

GranaryTreeMusic - Posted - 09/07/2021:  17:06:31

quote:

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Originally posted by mike gregory

First mention of the Bible is in the OLD Testament......

When Moses told the Israelites

"Pick up your banjos, and let's get the pluck OUT of here!"

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That image though!

Looks like me when I have a skin head on in the Northwest or New Orleans.

mike gregory - Posted - 09/07/2021:  18:03:03

Ain't looking for a free Dapper Dampener.
Not even a free Diaper Dampener.
Just LOVE modifying pictures for humorous purposes..
Like the painting of the Arch-ansaw Angel Gabri-Earl giving Joseph's girlfriend a rather nice banjo:

And they shall call it Bluegrass Gospel

 

Alpha - Posted - 09/19/2021:  15:11:05

Banjo humor can be a little dull, so why inclusive? Try this.

Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...

Alpha - Posted - 09/21/2021:  10:43:30

Whoops! I'm sorry didn't read this topic correctly so ..

Don't go knocking on deaths door. Instead play banjo very loud - ring the bell and run. Death hates that..