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Oct 2, 2022 - 2:47:11 AM
4764 posts since 12/6/2009

Humpty Dumpty
Sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty
Had a great fall
All the Kings horses,
And all the kings men
Had Egg salad sandwiches

Anyone?

Oct 2, 2022 - 5:13:21 AM

STUD

USA

36743 posts since 3/5/2008

Little. Jack Horner sat in the corner ..
Eating his Christmas pie..
Stuck in his thumb ..
Pulled out a plumb ..
N..said ...
Holly S#!t....am I High..!

G. Carlin

Edited by - STUD on 10/02/2022 05:17:09

Oct 2, 2022 - 6:51:18 AM

slammer

USA

3838 posts since 12/30/2008

Andrew Dice Clay’s rendition of Little Miss Muffet is a classic!!!
Slammer!!!

Oct 2, 2022 - 7:35:23 AM
likes this

11541 posts since 8/22/2006

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner
Hugging on his girlfriend Jill
With a great surprise
He let out a cry
Jill did you forget to take
Your pill.

Edited by - 5B-Ranch on 10/02/2022 07:36:27

Oct 2, 2022 - 12:01:33 PM
like this

696 posts since 1/28/2011

I guess with all the banned topics we have now, this is what we're left with.  sad

Oct 2, 2022 - 1:19:47 PM
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conic

England

956 posts since 2/15/2014

The grand old duke of york's wicked witch mother
She paid £12 million pounds
Cus he took a young girl to the top of the hill
Then he took her down again
When he was up he was up
When she went down she went down.
When he was busted he was in a big mess
But his alibi was he took his daughter pizza express

Oct 2, 2022 - 2:08:47 PM
like this

4492 posts since 4/22/2018

Hey diddle diddle
The cat did a piddle
All over the kitchen floor
The little dog laughed to see such fun
So the cat did a little bit more

Oct 2, 2022 - 2:35:37 PM
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4492 posts since 4/22/2018

Hickory dickory dock
A mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
But fortunately, two got away with only minor injuries

Oct 2, 2022 - 4:02:47 PM
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STUD

USA

36743 posts since 3/5/2008

quote:
Originally posted by 5B-Ranch

Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner
Hugging on his girlfriend Jill
With a great surprise
He let out a cry
Jill did you forget to take
Your pill.


Jack better not find out.......

Oct 3, 2022 - 2:13:32 AM
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4764 posts since 12/6/2009

quote:
Originally posted by slammer

Andrew Dice Clay’s rendition of Little Miss Muffet is a classic!!!
Slammer!!!


Was it this one?.......

----Little Miss Muffet

Sat on a tuffet

Eating her curds and  whey

When along came a spider

And sat down beside her

And said

“what are you eating bi***

Oct 3, 2022 - 5:07:28 AM
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slammer

USA

3838 posts since 12/30/2008

Yup, except “what’s in the bowl B###h “
Slammer!!!

Oct 3, 2022 - 5:46:35 AM
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59678 posts since 12/14/2005
Online Now

One may turn an innocent rhyme into porno, with just ONE keystroke.
 

"Old king Cole was a merry old soul, and a merry old soul was he.

He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl,

And he called for his Diddlers three!"

= = = = = = = = = =

I'm certain that persons  opposed to the tradition of inherited royalty could readily enough come up with something about "Old king Chuck", but I'm neither for nor against the concept.

Oct 3, 2022 - 11:13:49 AM
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WesB

USA

479 posts since 12/17/2014

Old Mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her young daughter a dress.
When she got there
the cupboard was bare,
and so is her daughter, I guess.

Oct 3, 2022 - 12:27:35 PM
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11541 posts since 8/22/2006

Hey diddle diddle
The cat made a piddle
And the miss will becoming home soon
The Dog let out a laugh
Because the miss slipped on the mess
Now the cat got kicked over the moon

Oct 3, 2022 - 12:50:03 PM
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4764 posts since 12/6/2009

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
We often saw her little lamb
But never saw her bea .....bare ???

how's that Mike ?

Oct 3, 2022 - 5:37:11 PM
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bubbalouie

Canada

16170 posts since 9/27/2007

When I was a kid I ordered a book called tombstone humour from a book club at school. ( I know, weird kid!)

One I remember...

A green little chemist.

On a green little day.

Mixed some green little chemicals.

In his green little way.

And now the green grasses.

Tenderly wave.

On the green little chemists.

Green little grave.

Oct 3, 2022 - 6:07:02 PM
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WesB

USA

479 posts since 12/17/2014

A long time ago there were lots of "Little Willie" and Little Audry" rhymes.

Little Willie lit a rocket
that was in his daddy's pocket.
Next day he said to cousin Dan,
"Daddy is a travelling man."

Alas for little Willie,
little Willie we shall see no more.
What he thought was H2O
was H2SO4.

They seemed to be popular at the time, but seem kinda tame in today's world.

Oct 4, 2022 - 2:47:34 AM

4764 posts since 12/6/2009

That was the fun part Wes. When we were young kids we laughed at all them corny corn jokes......the corny-er the more fun they were...... Homer and Jethro corn fun

Oct 4, 2022 - 4:54:37 AM

804 posts since 10/9/2017

quote:
Originally posted by overhere
quote:
Originally posted by slammer

Andrew Dice Clay’s rendition of Little Miss Muffet is a classic!!!
Slammer!!!


Was it this one?.......

----Little Miss Muffet

Sat on a tuffet

Eating her curds and  whey

When along came a spider

And sat down beside her

And said

“what are you eating bi***


His version of "Hickory Dickory Dock" is probably not safe for this board even with asterisks.

Oct 4, 2022 - 6:36:58 AM

Trewq36

Canada

1937 posts since 11/30/2007

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was white as snow
It followed her to school one day
as every body knows
Teacher threw such a fit
at the sight of it
Threaten to make sweaters
and lamb chops of it

While little Jack Horner
off in the corner
Pulled out his Christmas pie
Stuck in his thumb
Pulled out that plum
And looked the Teacher right in the eye

We're going to need some chips and dip
What about the mint sauce?

So Jack and Jill
From up the hill
Lit and passed around their bong

And Mary Mary not at all contrary
Broke down and sang this song

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Run right now
and fetch la flick

(Note: la flick is French Canadian slang for Cop).

Oct 4, 2022 - 11:35:52 AM
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76890 posts since 5/9/2007

My second wife did puppet shows and reworked many of these standards.

Oct 5, 2022 - 6:29:37 AM
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4007 posts since 7/8/2010

Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockerels
And one darn weed!

Oct 6, 2022 - 12:04:04 AM
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Paul R

Canada

16227 posts since 1/28/2010

Mary had a little lamb
The butcher killed it dead
And now she takes the lamb to school
Between two slices of bread

Oct 6, 2022 - 1:04:42 PM
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76890 posts since 5/9/2007

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
They came down with none
Said,"that was no fun"
and bought lemonade for a quarter.

Oct 6, 2022 - 1:25:13 PM
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1682 posts since 4/29/2013

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as soot
And everywhere that Mary went
Its sooty foot it put

Oct 6, 2022 - 6:17:46 PM

bubbalouie

Canada

16170 posts since 9/27/2007

Melinda Melinda 

She pizzed from the winda

She piddled on my sombrero

I'll take it to the dry cleaners

Tomorrow. 

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