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Oct 6, 2021 - 11:18:08 PM
34462 posts since 3/5/2008

Parent...?

Oct 6, 2021 - 11:36:42 PM

Brian T

Canada

18871 posts since 6/5/2008
Online Now

With an empty nest or not? Financially, they bring home more money than I can dream about.
Physically, they must manage their own affairs. For the most part, happy, healthy and active.

Obviously, there is a very long scale of both mental and physical challenges
which should and would occupy much more of my attention. Not problems now.

I wish we could physically visit more. Most of that is/are my own physical infirmities
that limit my travel and hours at a time even out of my house. Kids have no time for that.

Oct 7, 2021 - 12:40:48 AM
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Bill Rogers (Moderator)

USA

25410 posts since 6/25/2005

Never had kids. Right now I care for two cats, one of whom has lupus and is diabetic. I provide for her medical care, which includes insulin shots twice a day and regular trips to a veterinary internal medicine specialist. In return, she, being a cat, gifts me with her presence. My late wife and I brought her in from the street 10 years ago and never regretted it. When you adopt an animal, you have an obligation to care for her, at which I try my best.

Oct 7, 2021 - 1:46:53 AM
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4025 posts since 4/22/2018

For me it's to bring them up with the right values, to provide them with a safe loving home/family, let them experience as many things as they can, and to give them just enough rope not to hang themselves.

Oct 7, 2021 - 1:58:43 AM
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csrat

USA

895 posts since 9/14/2008

The two most important skills a child must be taught is how to play with others and utilize critical thinking instead of convenient thinking.

When disciplining a child it is important they are shown that you are on their side. They will not see this clearly until they are moving through adolescence, so consistent demonstration of this is very important.

Raise them to see the difference between obligation and responsibility, the value of accountability and the satisfaction of a sense of purpose.

A parent is on deck, 24/7 until the child:

moves out
completes higher education
completes skilled trades program
abandons either of the above

FTL (failure to launch) children are the fault of the parent and at some point must be pushed out of the nest.

Avoid the "revolving door" syndrome. If children must return to the nest they must also pay rent. Doesn't have to be a punitive amount, but they must pay their way. Don't say, " As long as your living under MY roof ..." say "What's your plan?" Doesn't have to be a big plan, just a plan to gain self-sufficiency, and a plan there must be.

Oct 7, 2021 - 4:04 AM

58491 posts since 12/14/2005

Junior (NOT his real name) is 47, married, has a job, lives a few hundred miles away.
Don't feel much "responsibility" toward a grown-up adult.
Should I???

Oct 7, 2021 - 4:49:11 AM
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Texasbanjo (Moderator)

USA

26556 posts since 8/3/2003

The first and foremost thing to do for children is to let them know they're loved, even when they do wrong.
Then you should be able to provide housing, clothing and food. If you're financially able, a college/university education would be great. If not, kids can get grants and loans.

I tried to teach my kids they needed to be truthful and kind to others. Did my best to teach them not only keeping house and cooking (for both boys and girls) but to live within their means and not go overboard with debt.

Mike, as far as responsibility toward a child who has grown up and left home, I feel if my kids need financial help and I'm able to give it to them, I will (with the understanding they will pay it back as they are able), As far as emotional help, I always try to be there for my kids if they need that kind of support. I also try my best not to interfere with their lives and/or give my opinion unless it's asked.

I could go on and on, but that's my basic idea of raising kids, right or wrong, it's worked well. 3 kids, all happily married, settled down, homes of their own and on their own. To me, that means I did okay raising them (with the help, of course, of my late husband, Dave).

Oct 7, 2021 - 5:25:09 AM
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3944 posts since 7/8/2010
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Teach them how to be independent. Allow them to make their own mistakes. Catch them if they fall.
Life is an exciting venture that truly begins with self-realization.

Oct 7, 2021 - 5:48:45 AM
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YellowSkyBlueSun

Virgin Islands (U.S.)

473 posts since 5/11/2021

The first step to being a good parent is to realize that you yourself are "just another child that's grown old". Once you figure that out, it gets easier and things fall into place. 

Responsibility? Provide them with shelter, food, clothing, and a loving tribe. Everything else is a bonus.

Should do? Teach them reading, writing, arithmetic, empathy, critical though, and individuality. Teach them to recognize the signs of false prophets and false authorities. 

People pay too much attention to their kids nowadays. Infantilization isn't a good thing.

As someone who grew up in a union household, I kind of view it as an apprenticeship. Children are apprentice humans, adults are the journeyman humans. Apprenticeship is all about putting someone in an environment where they have responsibility and freedom, but where their mistakes don't have a big impact. It's very much "figure it out, I'm here if you need me". That's what you need to do with kids. My 5 year old boy picks up the table after dinner, runs the lever on the wood splitter and knows how to stack a cord, and is an effective ground man when I'm doing chores around the yard with the tractor. People underestimate kids. The Amish and Mennonites are smarter than we think. 

I don't remember my dad ever playing lego with me and I don't think I'm worse off because of it. When I was a kid, children were not allowed inside the house unless we were getting food/water or going to the bathroom. You did not approach a group of adults in conversation. At the same time, I do remember my parents always being available if I had a real problem. That's a fine balancing act. But in general, the kids do their thing, the adults do their thing, and it was a good thing. Solving problems, figuring it out on their own. 

Edited by - YellowSkyBlueSun on 10/07/2021 05:54:25

Oct 7, 2021 - 5:58 AM
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DC5

USA

21333 posts since 6/30/2015
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Never forget that you were once a child.

This is also the responsibility of a teacher.

Edited by - DC5 on 10/07/2021 05:58:47

Oct 7, 2021 - 6:28:27 AM

figmo59

USA

34462 posts since 3/5/2008

quote:
Originally posted by DC5

Never forget that you were once a child.

This is also the responsibility of a teacher.


I agree Dave...

 

A big parentenal responsibly is to know n choose who influences or teaches your children..

N..what is..being teached...to them...

Oct 7, 2021 - 6:35:57 AM
Players Union Member

DC5

USA

21333 posts since 6/30/2015
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Like it or not, parents have about the least influence on their children. After age 5 we see them for very little time each day. The biggest influence on children is their peers, probably followed by their teachers. They did a report on this in one of the Freakonomics books. We want to believe otherwise, but our influence is very small.

Oct 7, 2021 - 7:46:21 AM
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10571 posts since 8/22/2006

I try teaching by example.

Oct 7, 2021 - 8:06:44 AM

12726 posts since 1/15/2005

Pretty much what everyone has said. I would add that although you do not choose your children's friend, you should be very careful with whom you allow them to associate with, as other children, unfortunately, may have more influence on them than you, especially in their teenage years. We never had that problem, but I have a number of friends who did. Also don't be afraid to say "NO" to a child, even though it may make you the most unpopular person in the house ....... I know...... there were many times I was not too popular.

Oct 7, 2021 - 10:05:05 AM

heavy5

USA

1957 posts since 11/3/2016

Realizing that once the kids get on the school bus you will have lost some control .

Oct 7, 2021 - 10:29:40 AM

2437 posts since 7/20/2004
Online Now

Sherry pretty well nailed it. Now that he's almost 50, my main responsibility to my son is to be wise steward of the family farm so that he and the grandsons can be the 6th and 7th generation to watch over it.

Oct 7, 2021 - 11:04:43 AM

1415 posts since 9/6/2019

quote:
Originally posted by BanjoLink

Pretty much what everyone has said. I would add that although you do not choose your children's friend, you should be very careful with whom you allow them to associate with, as other children, unfortunately, may have more influence on them than you, especially in their teenage years. We never had that problem, but I have a number of friends who did. Also don't be afraid to say "NO" to a child, even though it may make you the most unpopular person in the house ....... I know...... there were many times I was not too popular.


That is one of the biggest problems I see now. Too many parents, a lot of the time my wife included, want to be their child's friend instead of their parent. They don't want the kid to be mad at them for applying some discipline or saying no. My boy has plenty of friends, he needs a dad. If he hates me for the things I do so be it as long as they are making him a better person and teaching him how to be a man when the time comes. At some point, maybe even after I am long gone, he will understand exactly why I did what I did.

Oct 7, 2021 - 11:34:56 AM
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12726 posts since 1/15/2005

quote:
Originally posted by Banjonewguy
quote:
Originally posted by BanjoLink

Pretty much what everyone has said. I would add that although you do not choose your children's friend, you should be very careful with whom you allow them to associate with, as other children, unfortunately, may have more influence on them than you, especially in their teenage years. We never had that problem, but I have a number of friends who did. Also don't be afraid to say "NO" to a child, even though it may make you the most unpopular person in the house ....... I know...... there were many times I was not too popular.


That is one of the biggest problems I see now. Too many parents, a lot of the time my wife included, want to be their child's friend instead of their parent. They don't want the kid to be mad at them for applying some discipline or saying no. My boy has plenty of friends, he needs a dad. If he hates me for the things I do so be it as long as they are making him a better person and teaching him how to be a man when the time comes. At some point, maybe even after I am long gone, he will understand exactly why I did what I did.


Amen Bill .... my whole family was mad at me one Christmas because I wouldn't let anyone (especially kids) ride my son's motorbike during the gathering of 35+ family members at Christmas celebration at our house.  There is always too much beer and wine drinking to let adults who think they used to be motocross riders, and inexperienced kids, to ride through the woods showing us how good they are on a motorbike.  One year I let the stables bring my daughter's horse to our pasture for Christmas ..... already saddled up and ready to ride ..... so when it was one of my brother's-in-law time to ride he thought the professional who had saddled the horse had put the saddle on too loose.  He promptly tightened the saddle, mounted the horse and after two steps the horse bucked him off.  That was funny, but also could have been tragic.  Many more similar stories!

Oct 7, 2021 - 11:50:33 AM

mander

USA

4733 posts since 10/7/2007

NONE! They are all over 18 and able to think for themselves! Whewwweee!

I am in Gramma mode. I get to play and hand him back when we're done!

Oct 7, 2021 - 12:18:01 PM

figmo59

USA

34462 posts since 3/5/2008

quote:
Originally posted by Banjonewguy
quote:
Originally posted by BanjoLink

Pretty much what everyone has said. I would add that although you do not choose your children's friend, you should be very careful with whom you allow them to associate with, as other children, unfortunately, may have more influence on them than you, especially in their teenage years. We never had that problem, but I have a number of friends who did. Also don't be afraid to say "NO" to a child, even though it may make you the most unpopular person in the house ....... I know...... there were many times I was not too popular.


That is one of the biggest problems I see now. Too many parents, a lot of the time my wife included, want to be their child's friend instead of their parent. They don't want the kid to be mad at them for applying some discipline or saying no. My boy has plenty of friends, he needs a dad. If he hates me for the things I do so be it as long as they are making him a better person and teaching him how to be a man when the time comes. At some point, maybe even after I am long gone, he will understand exactly why I did what I did.


Heh...

In his mid teens...

Me Son....was unhappy with me...

Lamented that I was some kinda..Prick....

 

To wich...

I told him in no uncertain terms...

That's becose I am yer Father...

N..not yet friend...

Oct 7, 2021 - 2:07:23 PM
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493 posts since 10/18/2020

 

Heh...

In his mid teens...

Me Son....was unhappy with me...

Lamented that I was some kinda..Prick....

 

To wich...

I told him in no uncertain terms...

That's becose I am yer Father...

N..not yet friend...


that is the key, i feel  is teaching your kids you are not their friend you are in fact their parent.

I also believe it is a parents responsibility to teach their kids rite from wrong, and for every action they take there is an alternate reaction that can occur, be it a good action or a bad action also for every bad thing they do be prepared to suffer the bad things that can happen its called teaching them responsibility, which in this day and time i feel there is not a lot of parents out there that do not teach their kids any kind of responsibility

Oct 7, 2021 - 3:13:36 PM
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dawgdoc

USA

9134 posts since 8/25/2004

teach them to tie dye and play the drums and banjo.  the goal of becoming a neurosurgeon will take a little personal responsibility, but I can help.  her plans also include being the the place kicker for the Denver Broncos.  All I can do is to never stomp on goals (no pun intended).


 

Oct 7, 2021 - 4:50:43 PM
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chuckv97

Canada

60551 posts since 10/5/2013

To be a grandpa to their kids


 

Oct 7, 2021 - 4:54:57 PM
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Banjo Lefty

Canada

2401 posts since 6/19/2014

I always considered it my duty to embarrass and mortify my children at every opportunity. It's what my parents did to me.

Oct 7, 2021 - 5:12:29 PM

Owen

Canada

9835 posts since 6/5/2011

....give 'em a good grounding in ethics, work habits, "there but for fortune," etc., etc, and then mind my own business.

Oct 7, 2021 - 7:02:43 PM

493 posts since 10/18/2020

Its a good thing kids today are not growing up in the times i was a kid, the day they took a parents rites away to discipline your kids is the day everything went south

when i was growing up i knew better than to back talk an adult or do anything wrong because if you did there was going to be consequences to pay, now days if you even look at a kid cross eyed they call the cops on you and claim abuse

my grandfather rest his soul if he told you to do something and you didn't he grabbed the closet thing to him and you knew you were going to get hit , usually it was a rubber hose or a switch off of a tree which he made you go get for him and you did not dare grab the smallest switch on the tree did it hurt absolutely am i still alive and kicking absolutely am i a better person for it absolutely it taught me rite from wrong and to respect my elders and that's what it boils down to respect which most kids these days have none

take my wife's grand kids for instance they went down to Mexico to transport 200 pounds of dope back (Not Pot) they were caught in the act of trying to transport it to Phoenix and charged transporting with intent to distribute, what do you think their sentence was 3 months in prison there is no real consequences for actions kids do any more and kids know this and it is absolutely a shame, to me they should have been given 7 -15 years in a prison cell those kids have never been taught rite from wrong and society has to pay the price because of it, it is absolutely absurd any more

Edited by - Don Smith1959 on 10/07/2021 19:05:38

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