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Aug 7, 2021 - 8:59:32 PM
7158 posts since 2/14/2006

I'm dealing with someone who speaks to me face to face with the most eloquent admiration, but when this person gets around other friends they totally ignore me and anything important to me.  It feels like they are flattering me with their speech when they need something from me, but when time comes to be loyal, they aren't.  It makes it hard to trust them when you don't know what they are saying is even true or not anymore.  It kinda hurts.  So I'm going to emotionally let go of this person, and hope I get over it soon.

Edited by - banjo1971 on 08/07/2021 21:00:50

Aug 7, 2021 - 9:23:28 PM

58286 posts since 12/14/2005

Certainly seems like not depending on THAT person to BE dependable, is a good choice.

There's an advice columnist out there, Carolyn Hax, who advises people to do exactly that.
You might find her online, and discover what a common problem this is.

Best wishes for eventually getting over it.

Aug 7, 2021 - 9:25:25 PM

chuckv97

Canada

59641 posts since 10/5/2013

It does suck, Doug. There are a few/many phony people around - your self-esteem doesn’t depend on them. Take care.

Aug 8, 2021 - 1:58:13 AM

figmo59

USA

34361 posts since 3/5/2008

I have had but only a few real friends.....in life...

But a lot of passing friends...
They are the ones who say what they think they halfto...
Just to get by...
Or...get ...past ya...

Aug 8, 2021 - 4:37:29 AM
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4365 posts since 12/6/2009

Hey Doug, I know a place where you have a few thousand true dedicated real friends. so don't fret the 1 or 2 you do.

Aug 8, 2021 - 5:55:49 AM
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slammer

USA

3338 posts since 12/30/2008

Atta Boy Doug !!! Get over them soon, and the next person for you is right around the corner!!! True friends are rare, lousy friends are a dime a dozen!!!
Slammer!!!

Aug 8, 2021 - 6:03:11 AM

74985 posts since 5/9/2007

quote:
Originally posted by banjo1971

I'm dealing with someone who speaks to me face to face with the most eloquent admiration, but when this person gets around other friends they totally ignore me and anything important to me.  It feels like they are flattering me with their speech when they need something from me, but when time comes to be loyal, they aren't.  It makes it hard to trust them when you don't know what they are saying is even true or not anymore.  It kinda hurts.  So I'm going to emotionally let go of this person, and hope I get over it soon.


This is how we surround ourselves with true friends.Gotta cull out the bad elements.

Aug 8, 2021 - 7:12:39 AM

Owen

Canada

9587 posts since 6/5/2011

quote:
Originally posted by banjo1971

<snip> .... flattering me with their speech when they need something from me, but when time comes to be loyal, they aren't.  <snip>


I can't offer any been-there-done-that encouragement, but you've got me wondering: Has the person changed recently, or is/was it part and parcel of their make up all along?

Aug 8, 2021 - 7:20:32 AM
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6883 posts since 9/5/2006

flattery is usually 1 of 2 things
either jealousy of your success or talent or seeking to get something from you.
that being said ,,there is a difference in encouragement and flattery.

Aug 8, 2021 - 11:10:32 AM

Tommy5

USA

3903 posts since 2/22/2009

I find that if I ignore people, eventually they go away. People usually don’t want anything from me as I have nothing to give them. As long as my wife and daughter are still in my corner nobody else really matters much.

Aug 8, 2021 - 11:18:42 AM

74985 posts since 5/9/2007

Ignoring people is a great way to not find new friends.
I have life-long friends in Port Clyde that go back for generations.
My up-country band I joined in 1977 are dear friends.We've watched all our kids grow up and start families of their own.

I make new friends at almost every jam I attend and am still friends with people I recorded with 30 years ago.
We love giving each other gifts,jokes and pot.
These people mean the world to me.

Aug 8, 2021 - 3:29:37 PM

Tommy5

USA

3903 posts since 2/22/2009

Perhaps I over stated my case,. I consider the people I play with at jams more like people I know and have fun with but not really friends. I don’t know them socially, they don’t know me really, I would never take anything they said to heart or be upset with some imagined slight, most people barely think about other folks at all really, it’s all good, don’t take yourself too seriously, the women at my job did that and it was one drama after another. I was so happy too retire. I walk my dog about a mile a day, take a two or three mile walk alone everyday, it is often my favorite time of the entire day.

Aug 8, 2021 - 4:12:40 PM

mander

USA

4732 posts since 10/7/2007

quote:
Originally posted by banjo1971

I'm dealing with someone who speaks to me face to face with the most eloquent admiration, but when this person gets around other friends they totally ignore me and anything important to me.  It feels like they are flattering me with their speech when they need something from me, but when time comes to be loyal, they aren't.  It makes it hard to trust them when you don't know what they are saying is even true or not anymore.  It kinda hurts.  So I'm going to emotionally let go of this person, and hope I get over it soon.


We call that "Being Curried." 

It doesn't "kinda hurt," it hurts like H, E, double toothpicks.  Not worth your time.

Aug 9, 2021 - 6:25:15 AM

74985 posts since 5/9/2007

There is nothing more important than good friends,in my opinion.
I consider anyone a friend until they prove otherwise.It's a great place to start.

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