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Oct 12, 2018 - 4:39:16 AM

mander

USA

2576 posts since 10/7/2007

So a friend of mine just returned from a trip to a city in Texas. She found the "real" people cold and aloof, but the homeless people genuine, kind, helpful, and polite. A bus driver started to make a derogatory remark about the homeless people in the town. She stood up for them.
I have to say, I was surprised the "real" people were so rude to her. I've been to Texas a number of times, and while I would never want to live there, I always found the people to be gracious. My best guess was she was a victim of "ageism." Her snow white hair belies her youthful attitude.
It is difficult to judge the hospitality of one's own city. Generally, folks tell me Portland is a crap-shoot. You honestly don't know how you will be treated from person to person.
How do you feel your city fares on the hospitality issue?

Oct 12, 2018 - 6:19:29 AM

figmo59

USA

28189 posts since 3/5/2008

And some folks do not beleave in civility...
Unless they get thier own way.....


Most folks around he just kinda stick to thier bidness...
Kinda like you do not iggzist...at all ..
Unless you become a bother to them by slowing them down ...or git in thier way...(not intendtionaly)...

But..common times of some kinda strife...
Kinda makes the more...personable...

Oct 12, 2018 - 6:37:23 AM
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wizofos

USA

4718 posts since 8/19/2012

We have lived across the country and lived in Portland for a number of years (2 daughters born there). We lived in Eastern Washington for 5 years and still have one daughter and 3 grandkids living there, but when we decided to retire we decided to move back to the Midwest. There is a saying about this area Wisconsin and Minnesota in particular. Midwest Nice. In the midwest if an older person is carrying groceries out to the car people and teens will hold the door and offer to help. I have seen children as young as 4-5 holding a door for adults.
That said I am a Texas native, born in Austin. I have many cousins and relatives down there although I was raised here in the midwest. I have visited many times and usually glad to get back to Midwest Nice.
My favorite time was when one of my cousins visited and kept bragging about how big everything was in Texas. We told him we were going to go down to the lake and he kept telling us how great the Texas lakes were. When we got to Lake Michigan he stood there with wide eyes and open mouth watching a 1000' lake freighter go by. Last we heard about the size of lakes in Texas.

Oct 12, 2018 - 7:06:14 AM

877 posts since 2/10/2013

I was raised in small village. If you were born and raised there, you were always considered a "local", even if you currently lived elsewhere. But if you moved there when you were middle aged or older, you couldn't seem to achieve the status of being a "local".

I would not consider the attitude of a person from one area as a qualified opinion of conditions in a very different area. Living in an area, and visiting a area are different experiences. I have lived in and visited Texas and thought the people were very polite and helpful. Especially so in smaller communities and rural areas. The last remarks are most likely true of most states.

Oct 12, 2018 - 7:46:58 AM

67201 posts since 5/9/2007

I find hospitality and care for each other's well-being to simply be a part of living here in Maine.
I don't live anywhere near a city.

Oct 12, 2018 - 10:36:35 AM
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KE

Malta

22839 posts since 6/30/2006

I'm all for civility, but dislike fake graciousness.

In my experience, those who are, or have experienced, being down-and-out tend to have empathy for others.

Oct 12, 2018 - 11:29:36 AM

Texasbanjo (Moderator)

USA

21935 posts since 8/3/2003

I'm sorry your friend saw that side of Texas. I've lived here most all my life and I can tell you that folks are normally very friendly, very helpful and usually not demeaning to others, regardless of their place in life. Of course, there have to be a few in every state, probably every town who give the place a bad name. Don't judge the whole state by a few old grumps!

Oct 12, 2018 - 3:59:05 PM

Paul R

Canada

10797 posts since 1/28/2010

You'll find all kinds wherever you go. It seems in smaller cities and towns there will be a minority who acknowledge the existence of those who were born there, especially if their families have been there for several generations, and will not readily acknowledge the legitimate existence of newcomers. Here in Kingston, the Limestone City, we have the "Old Stones" whose families have been around for many, many years. And we have a huge number of people who come from elsewhere. In a town of 125,000 with a military base and a major university, it should be natural to be welcoming. At the open mic I attended north of town, most of them were rural locals. At the Bluegrass jam, there are many "from away".

When I moved to Toronto in '70, I knew very few native Torontonians. Most of the people I met had come from other parts of Canada, the U.S.A., and other countries. It became what is considered to be one of the most, if not the most, diverse cities in the world. One couple in our neighbourhood here asked, "What about the VMs?" "What?" "The visible minorities?" Our answer; no issue at all. We mingled with them on the subway all the time. People are people.

With a more mobile population, it's most likely you'll be dealing with folks from all over.

Oct 12, 2018 - 6:22:38 PM
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mander

USA

2576 posts since 10/7/2007

quote:
Originally posted by Paul R



When I moved to Toronto in '70, I knew very few native Torontonians. Most of the people I met had come from other parts of Canada, the U.S.A., and other countries. It became what is considered to be one of the most, if not the most, diverse cities in the world. One couple in our neighbourhood here asked, "What about the VMs?" "What?" "The visible minorities?" Our answer; no issue at all. We mingled with them on the subway all the time. People are people.

With a more mobile population, it's most likely you'll be dealing with folks from all over.


The best school I ever had the pleasure of working in had the greatest diversity. I don't recall all the ethnic back-grounds, only that the population was evenly distributed. I loved it there. I don't know why but I've always felt more at easy and at home in a mixed culture environment.

Oct 12, 2018 - 6:39:33 PM
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Paul R

Canada

10797 posts since 1/28/2010

quote:
Originally posted by mander
quote:
Originally posted by Paul R



When I moved to Toronto in '70, I knew very few native Torontonians. Most of the people I met had come from other parts of Canada, the U.S.A., and other countries. It became what is considered to be one of the most, if not the most, diverse cities in the world. One couple in our neighbourhood here asked, "What about the VMs?" "What?" "The visible minorities?" Our answer; no issue at all. We mingled with them on the subway all the time. People are people.

With a more mobile population, it's most likely you'll be dealing with folks from all over.


The best school I ever had the pleasure of working in had the greatest diversity. I don't recall all the ethnic back-grounds, only that the population was evenly distributed. I loved it there. I don't know why but I've always felt more at easy and at home in a mixed culture environment.


Just like in nature, where you need  diversity of species to create a thriving ecosystem. But a lot of people don't get that. They want people "just like us".

You could tell when Toronto became diverse. The restaurants got much better.

Oct 12, 2018 - 7:11:20 PM
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bubbalouie

Canada

11473 posts since 9/27/2007

I love our little town. I moved here when there was only one traffic light on the main drag through town.

Now there's three!!! This place is growing too fast!

All us locals chat & smile.

Even the tourists passing through Get IT. 

It's like bragging about  your secret fishing hole. You'll be Sorry!

Oct 12, 2018 - 9:32:13 PM

Brian T

Canada

14520 posts since 6/5/2008
Online Now

I'm not a local. I haven't lived here in my own house here in the village for even 20 years yet.
My last name does not end in a vowel and I am not inbred to 8 local families.
I grow lots of grapes and sell new grape vines and make no fuss about it. I teach pasta making.
I really enjoy buying local meats and veg and baking.

Many are the "locals" who set their hospitality to your age of residency.
Surprising how many brainstems that created.

Oct 13, 2018 - 4:09:05 AM

255 posts since 2/10/2016

I was born and raised in N.C.. I had lots of friends. Moved to PA. quickly made lots of friends. Moved to the desert island part of N.C. with my Job 35 years ago. Can't buy a friend locally. I have to travel to talk to or pick with somebody. Folks just don't have time or just don't like me I don't know. My lovely says it just take time and I have no choice but to wait.
My social calendar is open if you want to pick a bit or even talk a some.Heck I will even shave and put on a clean shirt if you are coming over.
God Bless
Bobby

Oct 16, 2018 - 2:07:48 PM
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67201 posts since 5/9/2007

I learned hospitality from Gramp.His house was set back from the road a few feet (the end of rte. 131) and in the summertime tourists would often walk by.
Many a time we'd be done for the day by 11:30 and he'd make a clam or fish chowder for lunch and call out to whoever was walking by and offer them a seat at the dinner table.
He'd ask,"Are you hungry?Come on in,have some chowder and tell me about where you come from."
Gramp loved tourists.Sometimes he'd invite them to church.It was just 100 yards from the house.

Oct 16, 2018 - 3:27:09 PM
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8153 posts since 2/22/2007

Bobby posted----"Can't buy a friend locally---"

It seems to get harder as we get older to make new friends. I used to be completely comfortable in a group of new people, able to make small talk and do the meet and greet stuff. That's behind me now. I'm not sure what I've lost but I can't seem to make conversation with strangers anymore and find it very hard to make any new connections with people. I don't have anyone that I call a friend today who I didn't know twenty or more years ago. I now see how loneliness and isolation can overtake those who have outlived their spouse and friends.

Oct 16, 2018 - 3:51:44 PM

162 posts since 9/13/2018

Well said banjo bio e. I was able to make new friend just this evening at the grandsons cross country meet. She was pleasant, well spoken, around my age and remembers the same presidents I remember. It’s nice, but rare, when that happens.

Bruce

Oct 20, 2018 - 10:46:40 AM

67201 posts since 5/9/2007

One time in the 70s the writers from Hee Haw showed up in Port Clyde and Gramp let them park on his lawn while they visited Monhegan Island.We had a nice talk with them.

Oct 20, 2018 - 6:09:09 PM
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2017 posts since 7/20/2004

quote:
Originally posted by banjo bill-e

Bobby posted----"Can't buy a friend locally---"

It seems to get harder as we get older to make new friends. I used to be completely comfortable in a group of new people, able to make small talk and do the meet and greet stuff. That's behind me now. I'm not sure what I've lost but I can't seem to make conversation with strangers anymore and find it very hard to make any new connections with people. I don't have anyone that I call a friend today who I didn't know twenty or more years ago. I now see how loneliness and isolation can overtake those who have outlived their spouse and friends.


That hasn't been the case for us.  After 44 years in the same house, and all but a few of our 70+ years living in the same area, we pulled up roots and moved a hundred miles north to be closer to our kids.  Bought a new house, joined the Catholic church, started singing in the local chorale and church choir, got drafted into the church's bluegrass band, and have wound up with far more close friends in a year than we had in all the years in the home place, and with a far greater mix of socio/political/religious ideologies.  Of course, it helps to have a kid who's lived in the area for 20+ years and is well known.  I can just introduce myself as 'Ross's dad'...

Oct 21, 2018 - 2:32:23 AM
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262 posts since 10/22/2006

There are so many people from California, New York and other places here trying to make Texas just like where they came from that it's hard for some to tell who you're dealing with in the larger cities where bus service is available. It's a good possibility that she encountered people other than native Texans.........That being said, there is a huge homeless problem in the big cities here in Texas as I'm sure there is any of the bigger cities in the country. That doesn't give anyone the right to treat the homeless with disrespect. It's too bad your friend had that experience, but we never know what had transpired before we came upon the scene.

I live in Fort Worth, and work in west Dallas. There isn't a day goes by that I don't encounter someone panhandling. I never carry cash, and usually can't help them out, and almost never get attitude. Occasionally I do. Then I don't feel guilty for not being able to help out.

Oct 21, 2018 - 6:07:23 AM
Players Union Member

rinemb

USA

10523 posts since 5/24/2005

I live in Wichita, Kansas, with a metro-area of about 500,000 population. I find hospitality/graciousness/courteousness/ettiquetteness etc mixed. ranges from poor to good.

We recently returned from nearly in month in the Saarland of Germany, Alsace Lorraine of France, Beaune of France, and Paris. Overwhelmingly, we found folks helpful and courteous and generous. Yea, in Paris we did encounter a bit of "French" cultural attitudes that were not pleasant, but again not very often. However, by a poster suggestion here on BHO I had read the book "French of Foe" to prepare me for French customs and culture, as well as how not to be an ugly American. That was a helpful read.

brad

Oct 21, 2018 - 8:54:13 PM

Paul R

Canada

10797 posts since 1/28/2010

Interesting point, Brad - the visitor should be without "attitude", too.

At my age I've found a common-ground conversation topic among men: prostate cancer. Actually, almost any medical topic, especially involving surgery, will start a long conversation, with a lot of sympathy.

Oct 22, 2018 - 7:45:51 AM

162 posts since 9/13/2018

How true you are Paul. It seems though a lot of people welcome visitors in a attitudinal way. Mostly because they believe their location is far superior to where you’re from. Quite the turn off really. On the prostate comment, we recently returned from a large wedding where 90% of the men are/were fighting prostate cancer. Other than our laments, we had very little in common


Bruce

Oct 22, 2018 - 8:36:28 AM

67201 posts since 5/9/2007

People that live in a popular tourist location learn early on about hospitality and respect for everyone that shows up.

Oct 22, 2018 - 8:50 AM

chuckv97

Canada

36953 posts since 10/5/2013

Here’s a good example of real hospitality ....


 

Oct 22, 2018 - 9:06:08 AM

1895 posts since 2/16/2017

I have often heard about the legendary rudeness of Parisians but when I first visited I noticed that they are no different than New Yorkers, or Bostonians, or Philadelphians for that matter. If you need help with something or offer a smile you will get help or a smile in return, but they generally prefer to go about their own business. I did not find the French or Parisians to be rude, at all.

I guess I am the same way. I am as personable, polite, courteous, and helpful as can be if I end up engaged in conversation with a stranger or tourist, but generally I do not initiate conversation with anyone. When you encounter so many people on any given day, you just can’t acknowledge all of them. I always try to be aware of, and courteous to, the people around me, though, and I am not trying to be rude in any way.

I suspect that many of us on the east coast are the same as me in this regard.

Oct 22, 2018 - 5:14:46 PM
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67201 posts since 5/9/2007

I'd be doing wharf work and artists would approach me and ask if they could set up an easel or a camera tripod and do their art and I always said "Yes".
It's also a good way to meet a girl.

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