Thursday, November 30, 2006 @2:04:32 PM
Parenting
by David Pericone
Being a parent myself, and having been fortunate enough to have parents, I have made some observations that I believe are common to all families with children. These "truths" are presented here, along with a few small snippets of advice. Let the new and soon-to-be parents beware. These things WILL happen to you.
Your car will smell...Bad!
Don't deny being a soccer mom. If you drive a minivan or an suv you ARE a soccer mom.
Your child will fart...LOUD, and in public. Just pretend you didn't notice and when you get home you can both marvel at how bad it smelled.
If you don't know how to answer your child, "Go ask your Mother" usually works for me.
Go to all his/her little league games. They look for you in the bleachers.
Dads take your boys fishing. You may not catch anything but they will always remember the time together...And the lies you tell.
When they are telling you someting they seem excited about, pretend to be just as excited.
Their room is not dirty. They are conducting scientific experiments.
You WILL occasionally have to pull over to the side of the road for your son to pee. (And maybe your husband too).
Kids fall and kids bleed. You can't prevent it. Give him a band-aid and kiss the bobo. It's a proven fact that a mother's kiss can heal anything.
Kids can't keep secrets. Don't tell them what you are getting your wife for her birthday.
Babies pee on you... Period.
A temperature of 98.7 is no reason to call a doctor.
Play a game of catch.
The first time you use a rectal thermometer, they WILL poop on you.
Have proper burials for their fish, turtles, birds, frogs, etc.
"Come pull my finger" will ALWAYS get a laugh from your kids...and some adults.
The bathroom is no longer a place of privacy.
All boys will ask why their baby sister does not have a "wee-wee."
Not until their 20's do they realize how that quartrer got behind their ear.
It's fun for you and your kids to moon your wife.
Your son WILL tell Daddy about that speeding ticket you got.
Don't dress your kids up like little china dolls and expect them not to get dirty. Kids are attracted to dirt. It's in their molecular makeup.
Don't be embarrassed when your child sneezes on the produce in the grocery store and then yells "I GOT SNOT!"
Say "I love you"... Often.
Copyright © 2006 David Pericone
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