KCJones - Posted - 01/03/2026:  09:02:58

I have a general rule of requiring a phone conversation before selling/buying a banjo online. Not only does it allow you to ask/answer more questions, I feel it let's you get to know who you're dealing with and, in some cases, discern if they're a legitimate seller/buyer.

Question: I've recently attempted to do a sale here on BHO and the seller didn't want to provide their phone number. I gave them my full name, city/state, phone number, and email, but they would only do a phone call anonymously. This is a red flag to me, refusing to provide contact info, because what if I need to reach this person again if something goes sideways with the sale/payment/shipping? And what motivation would they have to remain anonymous, when I'm expected to provide my home address and personal phone number?

I'm wondering, am I being too paranoid? Or is my request for a phone number reasonable?

pinenut - Posted - 01/03/2026:  09:08:33

More than reasonable; human contact and open conversation are a normal expectation. 

Assuming they have a phone, if they didn't have a functional phone they would say that and provide an equivalent (ex: Zoom), so, moot point.

Edited by - pinenut on 01/03/2026 09:10:50

aaronoble - Posted - 01/03/2026:  09:09:08

Just because you're paranoid...

I've never needed a phone call because I have found other ways to verify identity and feel comfortable, but a call isn't extreme. That said, there are plenty of people I don't want to talk to on the phone; I'm just not trying to sell them anything.

pinenut - Posted - 01/03/2026:  09:13:17

quote:

---

Originally posted by aaronoble

Just because you're paranoid...

---

Aaron that is backwards by definition (and is a violation of forum rule #1).

KC is being honest, open and trusting by sharing all of his information. 

The other individual has not responded in kind; unreasonably mistrustful.

I think it would be more accurate to say that he has identified a potential red flag and making an effort to protect his interests; cautious/prudent.

Edited by - pinenut on 01/03/2026 09:30:20

aaronoble - Posted - 01/03/2026:  09:28:23

quote:

---

Originally posted by pinenut

quote:

---

Originally posted by aaronoble

Just because you're paranoid...

---

Aaron that is backwards by definition (and is a violation of forum rule #1).

KC is being honest, open and trusting by sharing all of his information. 

I think it would be more accurate to say that he has identified a potential red flag and is making an effort to protect his interests.

... doesn't mean you're wrong ;)

Old Hickory - Posted - 01/03/2026:  09:42:08

I don't think there's anything wrong with your wanting a phone call on what, presumably, is a high dollar purchase. Or any instrument purchase. And I do think there's something wrong with a seller insisting on anonymity.

I have to admit, I have bought at least seven instruments online through eBay, almost always trusting only the ratings of the sellers and communicated only by email. Purchases ranged from under $200 for an acoustic-electric guitar to $1500 for a vintage Fender bass. I was lucky. But I don't think I'd do that again.

Laurence Diehl - Posted - 01/03/2026:  09:50:56

I have a related question: Is it normal for the buyer to send money prior to the seller shipping the item? There is definitely a trust consideration, I'm not sure which part of the transaction should happen first.

DSmoke - Posted - 01/03/2026:  09:58:28

If a phone call is what makes you feel confident in a purchase then don't shy away from that. Trust your senses, and if you're trying to convince yourself you still want to buy it, then there are other ways to protect yourself during the transaction. If I have any doubt about the seller, or have not had purchases with them before, I use a payment service with protection. If they don't like that, I offer to pay extra for the protection. If they disagree, I won't buy it. Good Luck!

Zachary Hoyt - Posted - 01/03/2026:  10:28:15

If someone wants to call me before placing an order that's fine with me and I'm happy to talk with them. A lot of my customers just send an email, and that's fine with me too. A seller refusing to talk in some way would suggest to my mind that the seller is at least not very motivated, and may be up to something. It is normal for the buyer to send the money first, mostly, though in the case of an anonymous seller I can see why you might decide not to go ahead with the purchase at all. Sometimes I will ship something before it is paid for, if I know why the payment hasn't happened yet and I have no doubts about the buyer.

pinenut - Posted - 01/03/2026:  10:29:50

quote:

---

Originally posted by Laurence Diehl

I have a related question: Is it normal for the buyer to send money prior to the seller shipping the item? There is definitely a trust consideration, I'm not sure which part of the transaction should happen first.

---

Yes, it is normal to pay first; this is where a third party, like Paypal, makes sense.  Well worth the small fee.

Edited by - pinenut on 01/03/2026 10:34:12

Bill Rogers - Posted - 01/03/2026:  11:16:38

Nor is it uncommon not to ship before a check clears.

clarinetagogo - Posted - 01/03/2026:  21:06:49

I was writing an email response to the OP and discovered this multiple-reply thread, so figured it's more expedient to post here:



"why won't you give your phone number out?" I don't have a landline or work phone, just a cell, and I'd actually encourage everyone to be protective of their cell number for online security reasons. Just Google "why to keep phone number private" or a similar search phrase, it's pretty impressive what hackers/social engineers can do with it. I have been more lax giving out my phone number to strangers in the past and regretted it.



I also don't know why the term "anonymous" was used to describe our interaction here, as I responded with my email address literally containing my first and last name (i.e. it's in the format "JohnASmith@emailhost.com").



> what if I need to reach this person again if something goes sideways



I don't know if I've run into a generational divide in communication norms -- when a fellow forum member sends an email, I see the notification in the Gmail app on my phone, usually within a few hours, and respond. Not sure how a phone number would make this better. And in general, the only surefire way to protect against something going sideways online is to always use PayPal Goods and Services for transactions given it provides both buyer and seller protection against scams. That's the only way I'd either take or provide payment for a transaction involving an online stranger.

In any event, the Zoom (voice) call suggestion above is a good one, I haven't had the app on my personal laptop in about 5 years so completely forgot I had a non-work account. And the entire issue may be moot since there's someone else who emailed before the OP.  

rvrose - Posted - 01/03/2026:  21:31:28

quote:

---

Originally posted by KCJones

I have a general rule of requiring a phone conversation before selling/buying a banjo online. Not only does it allow you to ask/answer more questions, I feel it let's you get to know who you're dealing with and, in some cases, discern if they're a legitimate seller/buyer.



Question: I've recently attempted to do a sale here on BHO and the seller didn't want to provide their phone number. I gave them my full name, city/state, phone number, and email, but they would only do a phone call anonymously. This is a red flag to me, refusing to provide contact info, because what if I need to reach this person again if something goes sideways with the sale/payment/shipping? And what motivation would they have to remain anonymous, when I'm expected to provide my home address and personal phone number?



I'm wondering, am I being too paranoid? Or is my request for a phone number reasonable?

---

I'm with you, I wouldn't send money to a mystery seller. 

Rick

Ziradog - Posted - 01/04/2026:  05:47:04

For mass market sites (think Facebook Marketplace & such) I do not give out my number buying or selling. For a niche hobby site like this, especially if teh buyer or seller has had enough presence, I absolutely consider the "no phone number" (or some equivalent) as a red flag.

Dean T - Posted - 01/04/2026:  06:22:04

On my last banjo purchase from the BHO classifieds, the seller used his real name on his profile. I did a people search, and it confirmed his email, name, age, phone, and address, even a google map to his home. When I asked for an address to send the check, it matched. I also asked or an additional photo of the serial number, which he responded to immediately. I also asked Sherrie if his profile was legit, as he had joined recently, for the sole purpose of selling a couple banjos, and she said no red flags. I never did call, even though I had his number. I sent the check, and got a great banjo.

Post a link to the add, and see what opinions others here have. Someone here might even know the seller and vouch for him, and he may even show up here and reply himself. Sometimes just looking at a sellers profile, and forum activity, can be confirming.

Edited by - Dean T on 01/04/2026 06:29:23

GStump - Posted - 01/04/2026:  14:06:13

I am not sure if this might apply here, but I am aware of at least a couple (meaning 2 or 3) cases where a sale of a very high dollar instrument had been handled by a third party. I was speaking with a fellow who owned (at one time - explanation follows) a very high dollar prewar Gibson flathead banjo. after talking a few minutes, I suggested to him that we needed to get together, because, 1 - I simply wanted to see my buddy in person as I had not for a couple years, and 2 - I wanted to play a couple tunes on his banjo. He replied "I would love to get together, but I no longer own that banjo." I was quite surprised as I didn't think he would ever sell it. Anyway, I asked "who did you sell it to?" He replied "He wasn't sure who had purchased it." Naturally I asked, "how can you have sold your banjo but you don't know who bought it?" He then cleared it up with one short sentence! - A third party had handled the sale of the banjo, and the buyer made it clear from the start he did not want the previous owner/seller nor anyone else besides the broker / third party to know his identity.!! SO, obviously there are cases where this might happen. Having said that - I think generally speaking, in the far majority of transactions like selling / buying a banjo, both seller and buyer normally have every right and expectation to know one another, or at least "know who is buying or selling" the instrument. And I also have NO problem with speaking with either - a buyer if I'm the seller, or the seller if I'm the buyer!

banjoez - Posted - 01/05/2026:  09:38:08

Let's face it, any online transaction has a degree of risk involved. I buy and sell quite a bit online and don't give out my number unless I have a history with them. There are scams out there where a scam "buyer" requests your number either through a text or phone call (usually right away) and then uses it to create fake accounts and other nasty stuff. Google it and you'll see lots of reasons to be paranoid about it unfortunately.

Edited by - banjoez on 01/05/2026 09:45:24

mikehalloran - Posted - 01/15/2026:  12:37:04

quote:

---

Originally posted by banjoez

Let's face it, any online transaction has a degree of risk involved. I buy and sell quite a bit online and don't give out my number unless I have a history with them. There are scams out there where a scam "buyer" requests your number either through a text or phone call (usually right away) and then uses it to create fake accounts and other nasty stuff. Google it and you'll see lots of reasons to be paranoid about it unfortunately.

---

Agreed. 

I'm happy to have a conversation with a buyer or seller but have never demanded one nor has anyone demanded one of me.

There are many ways to verify if whom you're dealing with is real and vise versa. 

J.Albert - Posted - 01/15/2026:  13:08:04

Mike Halloran wrote:

"There are many ways to verify if whom you're dealing with is real and vise versa."

Mike, would you care to disclose some of the key points on this (I reckon you've had as much experience buying/selling as many or more here)?

Perhaps some of the "less obvious" things, as I'm sure you've had experience with...

Thanks.

okbluegrassbanjopicker - Posted - 01/16/2026:  04:22:09

quote:

---

Originally posted by GStump

I am not sure if this might apply here, but I am aware of at least a couple (meaning 2 or 3) cases where a sale of a very high dollar instrument had been handled by a third party. I was speaking with a fellow who owned (at one time - explanation follows) a very high dollar prewar Gibson flathead banjo. after talking a few minutes, I suggested to him that we needed to get together, because, 1 - I simply wanted to see my buddy in person as I had not for a couple years, and 2 - I wanted to play a couple tunes on his banjo. He replied "I would love to get together, but I no longer own that banjo." I was quite surprised as I didn't think he would ever sell it. Anyway, I asked "who did you sell it to?" He replied "He wasn't sure who had purchased it." Naturally I asked, "how can you have sold your banjo but you don't know who bought it?" He then cleared it up with one short sentence! - A third party had handled the sale of the banjo, and the buyer made it clear from the start he did not want the previous owner/seller nor anyone else besides the broker / third party to know his identity.!! SO, obviously there are cases where this might happen. Having said that - I think generally speaking, in the far majority of transactions like selling / buying a banjo, both seller and buyer normally have every right and expectation to know one another, or at least "know who is buying or selling" the instrument. And I also have NO problem with speaking with either - a buyer if I'm the seller, or the seller if I'm the buyer!

---

It's kind of strange that that buyer didn't want the owner knowing who he was.

  He trusted the third party with his identity more than the original owner.

  I don't agree with that kind of attitude, but persons can be standoffish.

 It's not like he bought a hundred pounds of silver. 

 He could have cultivated a friendship.  He chose not to. 

Of course, it is possible to find someone's identity even if they think they've covered it up. You just have to search harder than most. 

Edited by - okbluegrassbanjopicker on 01/16/2026 04:24:14

mikehalloran - Posted - 01/16/2026:  14:59:05

quote:

---

Originally posted by J.Albert

Mike Halloran wrote:

"There are many ways to verify if whom you're dealing with is real and vise versa."

Mike, would you care to disclose some of the key points on this (I reckon you've had as much experience buying/selling as many or more here)?

Perhaps some of the "less obvious" things, as I'm sure you've had experience with...

Thanks.

---

It's usually pretty easy to tell when someone is trying to scam you.

They insist on immediate payment that cannot be canceled such as cash, Postal money order, PayPal Friends and Family, or Zelle. Nowadays, the last two because they are electronic and instantaneous. If not someone you know and trust, walk away.

Yes, there are many sellers on the BHO who insist that, if PayPal, it be Friends and Family only because they don't want to pay the 2.9%. Not only does that violate their PayPal agreement but most seller sites expressly forbid it including eBay because the practice is rife with fraud. Frankly, I wish that the BHO Classifieds would stop allowing ads with that payment demand. Offering a discount for F'n'F or other cash-like transaction is quite ok, doesn't violate agreements or California law and builds trust. My ads offer a 3% discount that also cover personal checks and USPS money orders. 

That said, for smaller purchases from sellers I trust, I don't let any of that get in my way if I know who's selling to me. Otherwise, I use funding backed by a credit card, normally PayPal.

The absolute deal killer for me is the insistence that, if I want shipping insurance, I pay the seller an extra fee — another practice allowed on the BHO but prohibited on eBay. Ensuring that a shipment arrives undamaged is 100% the the responsibility of the party that ships—they pack the item and make the contract with the shipping company, not the buyer. Credit card companies and PayPal know this but F'n'F explicitly excludes buyer protection. Sellers should know their true costs and price accordingly. BTW, many sellers self-insure as insurance is expensive enough that, if they never buy, they save money on covering the rare package lost or damaged out of pocket. 

Do your diligence to make sure that something is real. The old saying that, "If it's too good..." always applies to scams. This doesn't mean that genuine barfains aren't out there. I once bought a Guild Mark V for the $100 opening bid on a Gulid Guitar. Another time, I saw a Kalamazoo banjo listed as a Kay for $50 with free shipping—when I emailed and told her who made the banjo, she fired back saying that a music store guy told her that 16 bracket banjos were only made by Kay. Ok... Of course I stopped arguing and bought it, fixed it up and turned it around for a very nice profit. Had I known who Music Store Guy was, I'd have sent him a Starbucks card as a thank-you.

Back to your question. I was looking for a certain Neumann microphone, having used one in a session and really liking it on a friend's voice and mine. Ok, it's not a model known to be faked (whew!) and I found a number of them used online. These normally come in black but I found an ad for one in nickel plate—the box had SO appended to the serial# for Special Order. Ok... By now, I had to have one so went looking and found dozens of ads, they all used the same pictures — what, were any of them real?1?!? Eventually, I figured out that one ad on a site I didn't know might be the real deal so I reached out. The seller answered my query but would not let me contact him by phone or Zoom where I could have asked him to show the mic to the camera, right? So what to do? I asked for him to take pictures that didn't appear in the ad but include objecs with dates including printouts of current news events making sure the serial# was visible (only the Neumann wood box had SO on the label) which he did. Once satisfied, we came to a price that worked for both of us, I used PayPal backed by a credit card and received what is now my go-to mic for certain difficult voices including mine. eBay and other sites were still running those fake ads for nearly a year, even after I reported them with the info that it was my microphone and not for sale.

A word about money orders. If selling, never, ever accept any other than USPS. When received, do not deposit into your bank account. Instead, take them to a US Post Office where they can be cashed. Then you can ship the goods.

Personal checks take a week or so to clear. PayPal checks take three weeks to a month. As others have advised, don't ship till payment has cleared.

Edited by - mikehalloran on 01/16/2026 15:08:25