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 ARCHIVED TOPIC: Banjo jokes?


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HardLuck98 - Posted - 10/04/2016:  05:59:07


I am new to the banjo,About six months but why are banjos the butt end of so many jokes. I just don't understand. If I go to a bluegrass jam and there are not any banjos it is missing out. I don't think Old Time would be without a banjo. What gives? Are banjos the red headed stepchild of music for some reason?



Jokes are good but some of the ones I have heard are borderline. I don't really want to be the butt of bad jokes because I want to play banjo.



Thankyou 



Bobby



 


buckholler - Posted - 10/04/2016:  06:07:03


You just need to buck up and have tuff skin. Anytime I tell folks I play banjo theirs usually some form of a "Deliverance" reference. I just think to myself that they are just wish they could play. Welcome to the banjo world.

Owen - Posted - 10/04/2016:  06:15:54


I suspect banjo players are the butt of jokes for the same reason as: farmers, teachers, lawyers, Mexicans, Catholics, Jews, Ukrainians, Poles, Germans, policemen, politicians, Newfoundlanders, east coasters, west coasters, fat guys, skinny guys, rich guys, poor guys, mechanics, flatlanders, doctors, Okies, rednecks, blondes, brunettes, baldies, etc., etc., etc.   


dpgetman - Posted - 10/04/2016:  06:20:34


Say, that reminds me of a joke.



How many banjo pickers does it take to change a light bulb?



Two. One to change the light bulb and one to suggest, "that's not how Earl did it".  



I will admit, I am tantalized by the suggestion of "borderline" banjo jokes.  Give it up.  



Also, when folks give you a poke about being a banjo picker, own that s**t!  When folks ask me what I do for a living, I tell them that I go to work every day, but that my far greater contribution to the world has been filling my corner of it with banjo music.  



 DPG


Owen - Posted - 10/04/2016:  06:53:56


..ooops... shame on me...how could I have omitted plumbers as being the "butt end" of many jokes??   



 


Arkansas Mark - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:00:33


This is one of my favorites. If a banjo is picked in the woods and no one is around to hear.....is it out of tune? Ha ha


recorderguy - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:07:06


You could always take up drums...............or accordian ;-).

MildBill - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:07:45


Being both bald and fat, I figured adding a banjo wasn't going to matter. 


Prescott - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:10:05


Bagpipes.

banjered - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:12:36


I don't think there are ENOUGH banjo jokes in the world so here is a little help.....bluegrassbanjo.org/banjokes.html


janolov - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:13:42


A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know." A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a musician, I play the banjo." The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!" 



 


janolov - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:16:49


Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that's not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it.


Crusty - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:23:58


What's it mean when the banjo player's drooling from both sides of his mouth?



The stage is level.


Owen - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:24:09


quote:

Originally posted by janolov

 

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know." A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a musician, I play the banjo." The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!" 




 







Reminds me of this one... set a hat on a pair of shoes and ask "what's this?"   Answer: A    (choose from my opening list)   with the $hit beat out of him.


five-string fever - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:36:45


If more than one person in a row tells a banjo joke and you want to shut it down here's the anti-banjo-joke joke; "Do you know the difference between a proctologist and a banjo player?" Answer-"The proctologist only has to deal with one A**hole at a time!".


Jim Yates - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:46:18


quote:

Originally posted by janolov

 

Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that's not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it.







David Getman and Jan Olav, Another answer for this riddle is, "Five - One to put in the new bulb and four to complain about it being electric."


RioStat - Posted - 10/04/2016:  07:50:07


Two musicians and a banjo picker walk into a bar...................


jswkingsfield - Posted - 10/04/2016:  08:56:23


Hey, Bobby:  Bucking the stereotypes and good-natured ribbing, is half the fun!  


Rawhide Creek - Posted - 10/04/2016:  10:52:28


quote:

Originally posted by janolov

 

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know." A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a musician, I play the banjo." The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!" 




 







That reminds me so much of an old, old joke:



A young fellow needs to board his horse, so he asks around about rates.  One old codger says, "Can run as high as ten dollars a month but, whatever you pay, you're entitled to the manure."



The fellow goes to the first place.  "It'll cost you ten bucks a month," he's told.  "But I get to keep the manure?"  "Of course."



At the second place, he's told it will cost five dollars a month.  "But I get to keep the manure?"  Certainly.



At the third place, he's surprised.  "I'll board him for a buck a month."  "Only a dollar?  That's a great deal.  But I get to keep the manure?"  "Sonny, at a buck a month, there ain't gonna be no manure . . . "


Texasbanjo - Posted - 10/04/2016:  11:17:16




I don't know when everyone got so narrow minded that they couldn't laugh at a joke without first saying it wasn't nice to make jokes about (fill in whatever upsets you).  



Most all musicians have jokes about them or their instruments.  So what?  If the joke is funny or makes you laugh a little, what's wrong with that.   Take it like it was meant:  in fun!  Have a sense of humor, laugh at yourself and others.  Laughter is good medicine while complaining about everything isn't. 


G Edward Porgie - Posted - 10/04/2016:  12:04:08


quote:

Originally posted by Texasbanjo

 



I don't know when everyone got so narrow minded that they couldn't laugh at a joke without first saying it wasn't nice to make jokes about (fill in whatever upsets you).  




Most all musicians have jokes about them or their instruments.  So what?  If the joke is funny or makes you laugh a little, what's wrong with that.   Take it like it was meant:  in fun!  Have a sense of humor, laugh at yourself and others.  Laughter is good medicine while complaining about everything isn't. 







I don't fully agree. Not all jokes are made "in fun!" There have been far too many so-called jokes (not particularly aimed at banjo players, though) which are just the mean spirited diatribes of narrow minded people. While it's fine to be thick-skinned, and the old adage about sticks and stones is definitely one to live by, it seems that nowadays there are far too many situations where the names do hurt, because they are mere delaying tactics in order for someone to get the sticks and stones aimed properly. The jokes can hurt, too, because there is a stupid element among the general populace that takes them as legitimate comments and uses those comments to justify their own sometimes despicable behavior.



While I can very easily laugh at myself, and make jokes at my own expense, I do in fact grow disgusted with supposed jokes about people who may be handicapped, are of the wrong nationality, or have limited mental means to defend themselves. To me, it's pure self-centered ignorance to make fun of someone without knowing what that person is about; whether that person is overly sensitive due to some past bad experience, or in some other way cannot laugh at what is many times a very cruel statement. 


Fathand - Posted - 10/04/2016:  13:07:08


I love banjo jokes and have told all my bandmates to tell all they want when we play out. That said, I heard that mandolins make good kindling for dobro fires.


n1wr - Posted - 10/04/2016:  13:12:15


...And did you know that banjo players spend half their time tuning- the other half playing out of tune!?

 


Rawhide Creek - Posted - 10/04/2016:  13:25:52


Isn't "Tu Ning" an ancient Chinese song?


Texasbanjo - Posted - 10/04/2016:  13:34:45




Well, Russ, we were talking about banjo jokes and that's mainly what I was referring to.  I still think people should be able to laugh at themselves and others.  And I agree:  I don't care for jokes that do harm rather than just cause laughter.  But..... so many people now take offense to any kind of joke, whether it's in fun or not.  People shouldn't be so narrow minded. 


Rawhide Creek - Posted - 10/04/2016:  13:51:56


Sherry, I think you are responding to George, not me . . .


Don Borchelt - Posted - 10/04/2016:  14:11:41


A good banjo joke is one where you can't substitute the word lawyer and have it still make sense.



 


Texasbanjo - Posted - 10/04/2016:  15:24:01




Yes, it was George.  My apologies, Russ.  It's been a pretty rough day around here and I'm not all together.  


Rawhide Creek - Posted - 10/04/2016:  16:29:42


quote:

Originally posted by Texasbanjo

 



Yes, it was George.  My apologies, Russ.  It's been a pretty rough day around here and I'm not all together.  







My mother warned me there would be days like that.  Hope tomorrow is better!


fretful1 - Posted - 10/04/2016:  16:37:13


The best way to deal with banjo jokes is to tell them before the other guy does. 


mb03557 - Posted - 10/04/2016:  17:23:28


I heard two of my favorites from the lips of a performing banjo player while making a stage adjustment. Pleases the ground and keeps things lively. 



What's the difference between a trampoline and a banjo?  You usually take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline. 



What's the best pick up to put on your banjo? An F-150. 



Marc


wizofos - Posted - 10/05/2016:  06:09:20


I am Polish and attempt to play banjo but I was once being teased about being Polish. My response to this guy was that at least I was providing a social service to the world, what was he contributing?   He had to think on it for a bit then asked what I meant.



I told him that as long as people were ragging on me they were not insulting everyone else.



So think on it a bit, as long as banjo/accordion/bagpipe/etc.  players are being teased everyone else is being left alone.


HardLuck98 - Posted - 10/05/2016:  07:07:57


Did not realize that it was such a big can of worms. Don't get me wrong I enjoy a good joke in most cases and have been guilty of telling a few,but always in a fun way. I have heard some ugly comments and those where the reason for my post. It is good to know it is not just me.  I am old,fat, ugly and I try to play banjo but I still have a feeling or two left and I don't want them stepped on. I could get an emotion about that.



Hey If you drop a mandolin and a banjo off a roof at the same time which one will hit the ground first?                                                            The mandolin, the banjo will have to stop for retuning on the way down.



 



Bobby


dpgetman - Posted - 10/05/2016:  08:06:13


Good one Bobby, and good on ya.  I'm sure you're not as old, fat, or ugly as you let on, but even if you are... better to be old, fat, ugly, and jolly than the alternative! Banjo playing helps with that tremendously. 



Say, how do you know the stolen car belonged to a banjo player?  The thief left the banjo on the curb!



DPG


Jim Pankey - Posted - 10/05/2016:  09:17:04


"I know many of you have heard a lot of banjo jokes and figured all of it was just made up and mostly not true. I also know many of you haven't met Jim...." 



Can't count the number of times I've been introduced that way on stage.



 


Banjophobic - Posted - 10/05/2016:  10:09:25


Musician jokes are nothing new...ask any drummer in a rock band,haha. Learn to lighten up and have a thicker skin. Dont let what someone lese thinks about playing the banjo get to you so much. 


KidfromDeliverance - Posted - 10/05/2016:  10:40:56


quote:


Originally posted by five-string fever

 

If more than one person in a row tells a banjo joke and you want to shut it down here's the anti-banjo-joke joke; "Do you know the difference between a proctologist and a banjo player?" Answer-"The proctologist only has to deal with one A**hole at a time!".







That's a good one.  Here's one like that I came up with, though I've never tried it out:  if, say, a guitar player tells several banjo jokes, ask "Did you hear what happened to the guitar player who was always telling banjo jokes?"  - no - "Neither has anyone else!"


Prewargranada - Posted - 10/05/2016:  12:47:27


Banjo Repair Kit:



A Sledge Hammer and a Shovel 


mb03557 - Posted - 10/05/2016:  13:51:04


How do you keep your fiddle from being stolen? Carry it in a banjo case.

KidfromDeliverance - Posted - 10/05/2016:  14:29:58


quote:


Originally posted by Banjophobic

 

Musician jokes are nothing new...ask any drummer in a rock band,haha. Learn to lighten up and have a thicker skin. Dont let what someone lese thinks about playing the banjo get to you so much. 







I'm not persuaded by the "learn to take a joke" argument, mostly because it's also used to defend jokes directed at other targeted groups:  minorities, women, lgbt, etc.  This comment touches on a point I hadn't really considered before, though - this type of humor may be more routine, and so innocuous, to the professional musician, than it might for a part-time player, who's just trying to have some fun, and doesn't get to be around other musicians so often.  I don't find it necessary to pile on any particular group, so banjo jokes (when the pile-on starts, at least) tend to strike me as a poor excuse to say mean things.


Jim Yates - Posted - 10/05/2016:  20:36:54


quote:

Originally posted by HardLuck98

 

Did not realize that it was such a big can of worms. Don't get me wrong I enjoy a good joke in most cases and have been guilty of telling a few,but always in a fun way. I have heard some ugly comments and those where the reason for my post. It is good to know it is not just me.  I am old,fat, ugly and I try to play banjo but I still have a feeling or two left and I don't want them stepped on. I could get an emotion about that.




Hey If you drop a mandolin and a banjo off a roof at the same time which one will hit the ground first?                                                            The mandolin, the banjo will have to stop for retuning on the way down.




 




Bobby







I thought the answer was, "Who cares?"


Jim Yates - Posted - 10/05/2016:  20:42:18


An answer to the question, "Why is that little peg sticking out the side of your banjo?"



Well in the old days when you wanted to build a banjo, you'd need to hunt a gopher.  You'd use his hide for the head of the banjo and his guts for the strings.  Your average gopher only has enough guts to make four and a half strings."



Not many banjo players would be offended by that one.


janolov - Posted - 10/06/2016:  05:08:36


Doctor: "I'm sorry to tell you, but you only have one month left to live!" 

Woman: "But doctor, isn't there anything at all I can do?" 

Doctor: "You could marry a banjo-player!" 

Woman: "Oh, will I live longer, then" 

Doctor: "No, but it will feel much longer!" 



 


Banjophobic - Posted - 10/06/2016:  09:26:56


quote:

Originally posted by KidfromDeliverance

 
quote:


Originally posted by Banjophobic

 


Musician jokes are nothing new...ask any drummer in a rock band,haha. Learn to lighten up and have a thicker skin. Dont let what someone lese thinks about playing the banjo get to you so much. 








I'm not persuaded by the "learn to take a joke" argument, mostly because it's also used to defend jokes directed at other targeted groups:  minorities, women, lgbt, etc.  This comment touches on a point I hadn't really considered before, though - this type of humor may be more routine, and so innocuous, to the professional musician, than it might for a part-time player, who's just trying to have some fun, and doesn't get to be around other musicians so often.  I don't find it necessary to pile on any particular group, so banjo jokes (when the pile-on starts, at least) tend to strike me as a poor excuse to say mean things.







Most professionals have learned to laugh at these jokes and dont take themselves so seriously.  You can say that any and all jokes are just a chance to 'say mean things' but thats not how comedy really works, for the most part. This would be equivalent to saying everyone uses sarcasm in speaking to secretly demean people, which isnt the case. Why is everyone today so easily offended by everything and why does everything have to have some secret hidden agenda? 



If I cant take a banjo joke  then how in the world will i handle real life things that are truly important,haha.



Edited by - Banjophobic on 10/06/2016 09:28:18

Owen - Posted - 10/06/2016:  09:52:40


quote:


  <snip>     "... Why is everyone today so easily offended..."    <snip> 







Just an observation, but having an individual's right  "to be offended" enshrined in our constitution works quite well in Canada.   wink



Edited by - Owen on 10/06/2016 09:56:08

Banjophobic - Posted - 10/06/2016:  17:53:18


I don't have any issues with folks "right" to be constantly offended by everything, but again, it's just as easy to not be if we choose to. 


Tam_Zeb - Posted - 10/06/2016:  18:16:59


I can think of a few from my army days.



Long stand,



Left Handed Paint Brush



Tartan Paint



Sky hook to hold up the cam nets



Just gotta roll with it


Rawhide Creek - Posted - 10/06/2016:  20:16:02


quote:

Originally posted by Tam_Zeb

 

I can think of a few from my army days.




Long stand,




Left Handed Paint Brush




Tartan Paint




Sky hook to hold up the cam nets




Just gotta roll with it







As a teenager on my first "real" job, and as the low man, it was my job to clean the windows on the Baskin-Robbins ice cream shop.  After having this explained to me on the first day, I was told to go get the squeegee sharpener.


jeffnles1 - Posted - 10/07/2016:  04:37:42


quote:

Originally posted by Banjophobic

 

Musician jokes are nothing new...ask any drummer in a rock band,haha. Learn to lighten up and have a thicker skin. Dont let what someone lese thinks about playing the banjo get to you so much. 







How do you know if the stage is level?

look to see if drool is dripping out of both corners of the drummer's mouth.



How do you get a guitar player off your front porch?  

tip him for the pizza,


Helix - Posted - 10/08/2016:  20:59:42


It's true: In Glendale Arizona, over the summer, the school janitor had to repaint the signs on the school bathrooms all over the school. He thought he would add a touch of cultural sensitivity for the Hispanic kids and painted in big letters on every bathroom: Boys' Banjo and Girls' Banjo.  2002.



Edited by - Helix on 10/08/2016 21:01:04

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