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Prof - Posted - 10/13/2009: 13:15:17
Ok, I love Jimmy Martin, but this particular line from "Homesick" cracks me up:
Oh, I'm so homesick
All I do is roam the street
I can't sleep at night, and when I eat a bite, I can't swaller what I chew. 
Other examples of lyrics that strike you as funny???
Dan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've got it made in the shade if the tree don't fall...
 
Edited by - Prof on 10/13/2009 13:16:03
Richard Dress - Posted - 10/13/2009: 14:15:54
I like Jimmy's version, but this is what Marty Stuart sang:
Lord, I'm so homesick
All I do is roam these streets
I can't sleep at nite--I can't eat a bite
'Cause I'm tortured without you
sdfarris - Posted - 10/13/2009: 14:42:08
Now everytime you come in late and we begin to fight
You tell me there are more fish in the sea
But the bait ain't what it used to be
And I got news for you
Now after this when you go out
Well I'll go steppin' too
That one line always cracks me up.
Sam Farris
www.tranjo.com -- Tranjo travel Banjo
www.electricbanjo.com - TranjoCaster electric banjo
www.silentbanjo.com - Silent Practice system for any banjo
panthersquall - Posted - 10/13/2009: 14:58:18
An added verse to Wish I was a Mole in the Ground:
I wish I was an ant in your pants.
Oh I wish I was an ant in your pants.
If I was an ant in your pants
then I'd make you get up and dance
oh I wish I was an ant in your pants...
"F# is the new G."
mike gregory - Posted - 10/13/2009: 15:20:34
Additional verse we do on "Roll in my sweet baby's arms"
My daddy prints counterfeit banknotes.
My momma makes artificial gin.
My sister says "Hel lo!" at a Nine-Hundred number,
and that's where the money rolls in!
(Other verses, possibly too risque for a family site, available upon request.)
Jim D - Posted - 10/13/2009: 15:25:53
and...
My brother's a street missionary
He saves wayward girlies from sin...
He'll save you one for ten dollars,
and that's where the money rolls in!
Jim
Linwood, N.C.
CoE15NJV - Posted - 10/13/2009: 15:28:04
"Little Herman and brother Thurman,
Had an aversion
To washing their ears.
Grandma scrubbed them
With her lye soap
And they haven't heard a word in years!"
Steven
black flag - Posted - 10/13/2009: 15:32:33
"Poor Ellen Smith,
Sweet as a rose.
How was she found?
Shot through the nose."
(Not the real lyric, but the way Tom Paley would sing it from time to time.)
KidfromDeliverance - Posted - 10/13/2009: 15:56:29
I have a certain fondness for the Mountain Dew line "them that refuse it are few" - part sophisticated, part bumpkin.
The Old Timer - Posted - 10/13/2009: 18:59:24
There's a well-beaten calf on that old mountainside
Where I wandered when I was a lad.
The Old Timer
"Do you know how long it takes to charm people from Maine? They're uptight white people coated with a hard exterior made from other uptight white people." Joel Stein, TIME magazine Oct. 12, 2009
billygeeman - Posted - 10/13/2009: 19:06:01
well beaten PATH ! not calf!!!!!!!!!
The Old Timer - Posted - 10/13/2009: 19:06:45
Shine Hallelujah Shine
We are burdened with many afflictions
Often unsightly things we hear
The Old Timer
"Do you know how long it takes to charm people from Maine? They're uptight white people coated with a hard exterior made from other uptight white people." Joel Stein, TIME magazine Oct. 12, 2009
The Old Timer - Posted - 10/13/2009: 19:07:56
Shine Hallelujah Shine
We are burdened with many afflictions
Often unsightly things we hear
The Old Timer
"Do you know how long it takes to charm people from Maine? They're uptight white people coated with a hard exterior made from other uptight white people." Joel Stein, TIME magazine Oct. 12, 2009
The Old Timer - Posted - 10/13/2009: 19:12:07
Uncle Dave sang one that always makes me grin,
He Stole the Heart of My Saro Jane (in fast waltz time)
Well I had a girl I loved so well
I thought I'd go insane
But a man who played the trombone so well
Stole the heart of my Saro Jane
With his toodle-um toodle-um doo
That was what he played on his horn
Toodle-um toodle-um doo
Lord he played it from midnight til morn
Oh the beautiful music he played
I don't mind telling you
That he stole the heart of my Saro Jane
With his toodle-um toodle-um doo!
Etc.
Last verse
I can win the attention of most any girl
Wherever I may roam
But singing and playing on a banjo alone
Won't work against a trombone!
SMILE IF YOU ARE HAPPY!
The Old Timer
"Do you know how long it takes to charm people from Maine? They're uptight white people coated with a hard exterior made from other uptight white people." Joel Stein, TIME magazine Oct. 12, 2009
The Old Timer - Posted - 10/13/2009: 19:15:04
The second verse of Homesick also has some tortured construction
A puh-scription from the doctor
With long and drawn out names
There ain't no drug they make, that can ever take
Away -- from me -- this pain. (?????????)
The Old Timer
"Do you know how long it takes to charm people from Maine? They're uptight white people coated with a hard exterior made from other uptight white people." Joel Stein, TIME magazine Oct. 12, 2009
Ks_5-picker - Posted - 10/13/2009: 19:30:28
That sugar coated love sittin on a plate
I took a bit and then I looked to see what I had ate.
When your phone don't ring......it's me.
The girl ran off with somebody's elf.
Bake this hampster........take it to the captain. 
Rod
Here's some music you might enjoy.
http://cdbaby.com/cd/roddurst
http://tinychat.com/banjolounge Come on in an enjoy!
CoE15NJV - Posted - 10/13/2009: 19:44:42
Well, it rained all night the day I left,
The weather , it was dry,
The sun so hot, I froze to death,
Susanna, don't you cry!
Steven
The Old Timer - Posted - 10/13/2009: 20:29:20
Hey, Hey Hey Hey by the Stanley Brothers
As you stood there before me I wondered
If I'd ever get you off of my mind
Then the tears filled my eyes when you vanished
With your golden curls and hung down behind.
The Old Timer
I can win the attention of most any girl, wherever I may roam -- But singing and playing on a banjo alone, won't work against a trombone! Uncle Dave
Mike Greylak - Posted - 10/14/2009: 04:23:58
Stealing lyrics from Mike Gregory (he sings this at jams)
BIG RED "S" in the middle of my chest "I'll FLY away!!
rudy - Posted - 10/14/2009: 05:04:14
Uncle Dave's Moanin' Blues:
"See that man over there with the hair around his mouth
Looks like he swallowed a mule and left the tail sticking out"
Visit my website for assorted banjo construction information:
http://www.bluestemstrings.com/page...onTips1.html
Bayou Talker - Posted - 10/14/2009: 05:06:17
I was at a festival a while back and a guy there sang a song at one of the jams that was about his girlfriend. The title was "Dead Woman". You can imagine what the lyrics were like. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of the chair. I sure wish I could find a recording of that somewhere.
Cliff Hebert
Bridgeport, AL
Voyageur - Posted - 10/14/2009: 07:14:46
Don't forget Buck Owens on Hee Haw with:
Where, where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over,
And thought I found true love.
You met another and
Phht! you was gone.
Lots of funny verses - here's one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5du...ture=related
And how about a little "Gloom, despair, and agony on me?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dt1fBjCm49g&NR=1
Mary
"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray to be stronger. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks."
- Fr. Solanus Casey
bluegrassyfz - Posted - 10/14/2009: 08:25:47
I always thought this line in Cripple Creek was a little... ... odd:
Girls on cripple creek about half grown,
they'll jump on a boy like a dog on a bone.
Another funny line to a "floating verse" that can be used in many songs reads:
Two old maids a layin' in the sand,
the other one a wishin' the other was a man.
Acts 16:31
Prof - Posted - 10/14/2009: 09:32:59
How about from Roger Miller:
My uncle used to love me, but she died
A chicken ain't chicken 'til it's lickin' good fried
Keep on the sunny side
My uncle used to love me, but she died
All the verses in that song are funny.
Dan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've got it made in the shade if the tree don't fall...
Mopick - Posted - 10/14/2009: 13:38:21
Pretty Little Miss (Shady Grove) by Patty Loveless
Mama says he's not my type
He really loves another
But he's gonna marry me
When I turn twelve this summer
Shady Grove, pretty little miss
Shady Grove, my darlin'
Shady Grove, pretty little miss
Goin' back to Harlan
Well, paint and powder, curled my hair
The day he came a callin'
He ran off with my older sis
And I commenced to squallin'
I live in the mountains.....
The mountainous region of Central Florida.
Sugarloaf Mountain; 312 feet above sea level.
Randy
imac50 - Posted - 10/14/2009: 14:05:30
Cindy
You ought to see my Cindy
She lives away down south
She's so sweet the honey bees
Swarm around her mouth.
Dangerous gal that!
Iain
www.iainmaclachlan.com
banjobilly32 - Posted - 10/14/2009: 14:10:13
My friend from Georgia says in the South when they sing "I'll Fly Away" most often they will sing "I'll Fry Away"!
You just can't beat Jimmy though. Dog Bite Your Hide! I'll cut a wide swath all over town
I'm gonna tear your ash hopper down
Dog bite your hide, little hide
Dog bite your hide!
mike gregory - Posted - 10/14/2009: 15:56:10
quote:
Originally posted by Mike Greylak
Stealing lyrics from Mike Gregory (he sings this at jams)
BIG RED "S" in the middle of my chest "I'll FLY away!!
OK, if you're going to post, post the whole thing: "When I hear that Lois Lane's in trouble, I'll fly away! Into a phone booth and back out on the double! I'll fly away! I'll fly away, ( Like a speeding bullet) I'll fly away!( In a single bound! ) Big red S, In the middle of my chest, I'll fly away!" -C. Kent-
CoE15NJV - Posted - 10/14/2009: 17:17:02
Mrs. O'Malley,
Down in the valley,
Suffers from ulcers, I understand.
She swallowed a cake of Grandma's lye soap,
She's got the cleanest ulcers in the land!
Steven
5Wires - Posted - 10/14/2009: 18:46:29
And though your love is even colder
I'll wear your underwear tonight.
I do have another for "I'll Just Stay Around" but I do not want my account locked. You'll have to send a private message.
"Jazz is not dead...........it just smells funny" (Frank Zappa)
"We are not anti-union, we are anti-union domination" (John Howard)
brokenstrings - Posted - 10/14/2009: 21:59:35
She cried, "Oh Willy! / Dontcha murder me, /
I'm not prepared/ For eternity." /
Jessy
Frailaway, ladies, frailaway!
blugrssmom - Posted - 10/14/2009: 22:27:34
Old Rattler
Rattler was a good ole dog blind as he could be,
But every night at suppertime I believe that dog could see.
Rattler breaked the other night, I thought he'd treed a coon,
When I come to find him he's barkin at the moon.
Rattler was a friendly dog even though he was blind,
He wouldn't hurt a living thing, he was so very kind.
One night I saw a big fat coon climb into a tree,
I called Ol' Rattler right away to fetch him down for me.
But Rattler wouldn't fetch for me because he liked that coon,
I saw them walking paw in paw later by the light of the moon.
Grandpa had a muley cow, muley since she was born,
It took a jaybird forty years to fly from horn to horn.
Now old Rattlers dead and gone like all good dogs do,
Don't put on the dog yourself or you'll be going there too.
Raynae Redman.
A banjo can get you through times with no money, but money can't get you through times with no banjo. John Hartford
BvilleDon - Posted - 10/15/2009: 00:38:23
Another Roger Miller song (glad to know someone else remembers him):
The moon is high
and so am I
The stars are out
and so will I be
pretty soon
---OR--
You cain't roller skate in a buffalo herd
But you can be happy if you've a mind to
Don
BvilleDon - Posted - 10/15/2009: 00:54:25
Another Miller one I can't leave out:
Some people bad, some people good
Too bad the bad can't be like the good
Everything changes a little and it should
The good ain't forever and the bad ain't for good
and
Lou's got the flue and he's laid up, laid up, laid up, laid up, laid up, laid up
Lou's got the flu and he's laid up, laid up
Have to get well pretty soon though
Don
flange5st - Posted - 10/15/2009: 04:45:54
.....and of course, we can't forget this classic:
mamma don't whip little Buford
mamma don't pound out his breath
just teach him to play bluegrass music
and Buford will soon starve to death........peace
......ad fontes..........
eagleisland - Posted - 10/15/2009: 04:55:36
One of my favorite songs is a lovely Bill Staines song called "Roseville Fair." I'm sure many here are familiar with it.
Someone changed the last few verses/chorus:
They courted well and they courted dearly
Till the followin' year at the self-same Fair;
She caught him holdin' hands with some floozy;
She cracked his skull with a rosewood chair.
And his head went right through the middle of the banjo;
She left them both well beyond repair;
And the old folks said, "That's the way to treat a banjo";
She cracked his skull with a rosewood chair.
And we couldn't believe the improvement in the music;
Driftin' tunes filled the air;
With his head still stuck through the middle of the banjo.
We danced all night at the Roseville Fair.
eagleisland
"I was halfway to Old Kentucky when the drugs began to kick in." - Hunter S. Monroe
BvilleDon - Posted - 10/15/2009: 23:37:45
I always preferred the words to CAN I SLEEP IN YOUR BARN TONIGHT, MISTER" as far superior to the words to the same tune known as RED RIVER VALLEY.
Don
MrNatch3L - Posted - 10/16/2009: 06:22:33
We used to sing this at summer camp:
O' Thunderbach O' Thunderbach
How could you be so mean
To ever have invented
The Sausage Meat Machine?
Now all the rats and puddy-tats
Will never more be seen
They'll all be ground to sausage
in the Sausage Meat Machine
One day a little boy came walkin in the store
He bought a pound of sausages and laid 'em on the floor
He started up a-whistlin', whistlin' up a tune
And all the little sausages went dancing 'round the room
[repeat chorus]
One night the Sausage Meat Machine wasn't working at all
Thunderbach crawled in the hole the reason for to know
His wife came waliking walking by, walking in her sleep
She gave the crank a h*** of a jerk and Thunderbach was meat!
[repeat chorus a few more times while marshmallows toast]
edweber - Posted - 10/16/2009: 07:14:11
Hey Steve, thanks for those lyrics. I have that song on a 45 somewhere in the house. I can remember as a kid sitting around the record player with Mom and Dad and listening to that record over and over - yes, we were strange - and laughing our hind ends off. The flip side had a whole "revival" style comedy routine which started out, "I've got a message for you, a very sad message..." which was about Little Bo Peep and the trauma she went through of losing her sheep and not knowing where to find them. Very funny bit.
On the other side was the song about Grandma's Lyesoap sung as if at a revival and continuing the theme from the flip side of the record which started out like this:
Do you remember Grandma's lyesoap,
Good for everything in the home,
And the secret was in the scrubbing,
It wouldn't suds, and wouldn't foam
Ch.
Oh sing right out for Grandma's lyesoap,
Good for everything, everything in the place
The pots and kettles, and dirty dishes,
And for your hands and for your face.
Do you have any idea who the performer was? Anyway, thanks for that remembrance. Funny stuff!
Ed
Regular Guy says, "Nuffs enuff"
www.customscrimshaw.com
Email: edweber@customscrimshaw.com
mike gregory - Posted - 10/16/2009: 08:04:05
We Gregory kids also had "It's in the Book!" on a 45.
Plus a few Homer & Jethro classics, and Spike Jones.
All provided by Mom & Dad.
And you wonder why I am this way? 
gDGBD - Posted - 10/16/2009: 08:05:55
I've always been puzzled by the following from Uncle Dave Macon's "Sail Away Ladies" (as sung by Tom Paley):
I chew my tobacco and spit my juice
I love my own daughter but it ain't no use
pete hobbie - Posted - 10/16/2009: 08:34:49
Fly around my pretty little miss
Don't stand in front of old men
I'll tell you the reason why
they always smell so funny
and never zip their fly
Things are more the way they are now than they've ever been.
Life is tough, it's even tougher if your stupid.
John Wayne
CoE15NJV - Posted - 10/16/2009: 18:34:04
gDGBD, thanks for the link. Ed, the first time I heard that song was when I was in high school in the '60's. It was on the Soupy Sales Show. One of my friend's dad had the 45RPM record and he let me borrow it for a while.
Glad to see that there are still some people around who know REAL culture when they hear it!
So Brothers and Sisters, let's all sing right out about Grandma's lye soap!
Steven
Nosferatu - Posted - 10/16/2009: 19:21:26
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
I've got a girl that I'm just simply wild about
Folks say I'm a lucky boy
Everywhere we go people rave about
This little bundle of joy
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
And when she's in my arms it's paradise
She smells like a rose from her head down to her toes
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
And when she's in my arms it's paradise
All the sailors give her a chase
'Cause they love her navel base
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
And when she's in my arms it's paradise
She's like her aunt Lucy from her head down to her XXXXX
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
And when she's in my arms it's paradise
With old men she likes to neck
She necks the wrecks and gets a check
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
And when she's in my arms it's paradise
She was born in Hackensack
She made a fortune on her career
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
And when she's in my arms it's paradise
She drinks until she gets plastered
She gets drunker than my brother
She's got freckles on her but she is nice
Thank you,
"Count" Hugh
"I bent over him, and tried to find any sign of life, but in vain." -- Jonathan Harker, Dracula
Edited by - Nosferatu on 10/16/2009 19:22:44
The Old Timer - Posted - 10/17/2009: 11:20:22
Uncle Dave's verse isn't that he loves his "daughter", it's he loves his "doanie", which the folklorists say is an English corruption of the Spanish "dona", pronounced Doan-ya meaning sweetheart. Uncle Dave sings this term in several of his songs.
I've never heard what Paley sings, but that's what Uncle Dave sang.
The Old Timer
I can win the attention of most any girl, wherever I may roam -- But singing and playing on a banjo alone, won't work against a trombone! Uncle Dave
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