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pcfive - Posted - 09/23/2009: 14:30:46
A relative has been staying with me for a short while. For a couple of days I asked if it would bother her if I practiced and she said no, so I went ahead and practiced, although not as long as I would have if she wasn't there. Then she got very sick and stayed in bed all day and there was no way I could practice at all. I started getting really stressed, because practicing at least an hour every day was my New Year's resolution and I had not broken it. Practicing had become very high priority to me, and I felt I was at the point of really making some progress, especially with timing.
But since there was nothing I could do about it, I decided not to stress. The banjo is supposed to be my relaxation, not a source of anguish. So I miss a day or two of practice, my life won't end because of it. I think she will leave tomorrow, and I may or may not be able to practice in the morning before work. Probably not, unless she happens to wake up very early.
So, that's life, what can you do?
But there was something else that bothered me -- on the days when I did practice and she heard me, I did what I have been doing lately -- playing mostly stuff I know well, and concentrating on rhythm and timing. I am not trying to learn anything new right now, just trying to improve what I already know. So mistakes were minimal, and I think I played some of the songs quite well, even the more difficult ones, since I have played them so many times.
Now you would think most people would make at least one comment, like "your banjo playing has been improving" or "it was nice to hear you play," or anything along those lines. But she said not a word about it, nothing at all.
Then on the couple of days when I could not practice because she was sick, or was sleeping late, she never said "Sorry I am preventing you from practicing, I know it means a lot to you."
Of course I would have said "Oh that's ok, don't worry about it!"
But there was never a comment, or the slightest mention of something that has become all-important to me.
Now I know I am not a great banjo player and it might not be fun to listen to me play the same things over and over and over. But I would think my effort would at least be acknowledged.
So anyway, I wound up feeling I must really be no good at all. I have missed 2 or 3 days of practice, after practicing 2 hours on most days. And I am wondering if my progress has not been nearly as great as I thought.
Or maybe it's just that this person doesn't like bluegrass, or whatever.
Anyhow, I won't let it get to me, and after she leaves I can get back to some intensive practicing and continue my progress. You can't get too concerned about what everyone thinks. And I know there will always be days when something or other prevents me from practicing, and there is no use agonizing over it. And there will always be people who don't like my playing, or who don't tell me if they like it or not. That's just life.
pcfive
mschlutt - Posted - 09/23/2009: 14:52:15
Strangely, I find that sometimes when I take a couple of days off from practicing, my playing seems like it has improved more after these few days off than if I had been practicing during this time. Even my bandmates have noticed this in my playing. I'm not sure if my subconscious is making connections while I'm not playing or what is going on. Obviously, I'm not recommending that you don't practice (!), but I think that there might be some benefit to taking a couple days off here and there. I can't explain it, but thought I'd share it and help you try to put a positive spin on taking a few days off :)
Ramble on!
pcfive - Posted - 09/23/2009: 15:09:09
Yes, I think once in a while it's ok. I was kind of glad to sleep an hour later and not always be working so hard. My job is hard enough, I don't need to make my hobby a stressful obligation. But on the other hand, it would be so easy to get lazy. I never make exceptions about exercise either -- if I take off one day I might take off another and stop altogether. I don't want to let people stop me from doing what I love.
But I am really obsessive about anything I get interested in. Maybe it's ok to be a little more relaxed. On the other hand, it seems to me that most banjo players are obsessive, and you have to be if you want to really improve.
pcfive
minstrelmike - Posted - 09/23/2009: 15:29:02
I think some people view musical practice as a private thing and think if they comment on it, your feeling of privacy will be diminished.
I'd never comment about my daughter's violin practice; I would only comment on what we would play together.
She apologized for preventing you from practicing. That's excellent.
Mike Moxcey
http://moxcey.net/mike/minstrel/index.html
pcfive - Posted - 09/23/2009: 15:31:26
"She apologized for preventing you from practicing."
No, I said she didn't. But I realize people have no idea how obsessed some of us are, and how we hate to miss practice.
pcfive
Daveasti - Posted - 09/23/2009: 15:44:31
Hey pcfive, why can't you practice somewhere else? Walk off into the woods or a field and sit on a stump. I guess you must live in the city.
wrentree - Posted - 09/23/2009: 16:07:34
I think you had better get used to the non interest in your banjo playing. My wife couldn't care less. The only time she says anything about it is when I specifically ask her something about it. My best friend is the same way, and so is my brother. They don't try to be mean about my playing, they just don't get it like I do.
But when I play with the band and someone hasn't heard me for a while, they comment that I must have gotten some good practice time in because I sound good to them. So don't worry about it. Just practice and it will show in your playing. Good Luck.
Harold
Edited by - wrentree on 09/23/2009 16:26:48
Cornflake - Posted - 09/23/2009: 16:21:40
I've been trailer camping in state park a lot this summer and have spent hours sitting in my truck with the windows rolled up--mostly at night--playing away. Do you have a vehicle you could play in?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I love my excellent sense of humor. Unfortunately it gets me into trouble, and un-funny people think I'm an idiot.
george craciun - Posted - 09/23/2009: 16:35:04
I don't know what your digs are like, but I do a lot of back porch picking and sometimes at a nearby park during the less busy times. I works quite well for me. I have also learned how to play somewhat quietly which comes in handy on occasion. Hope that helps. Happy pickin'.
Back Porch Picker
RB5 - Posted - 09/23/2009: 17:43:25
I bought my wife ear plugs and a pair of noise canceling head phones like construction workers use when they are using jack hammers and when you wear both of those simultaniously you can't hear anything, so when she is not feeling well she can wear them and not hear a thing and get all the sleep she needs and I all the practice time I need. There is no point in both of us suffering right?
Oh yeh! Do you guy's think that I'm that insensitive? Everybody knows that the wife rules the castle. The real truth is when she is sick I practice in my golden retreiver's dog house. LOL.
That's my story and I'm sticking with it!
Robert.
Edited by - RB5 on 09/23/2009 19:15:53
pickingfive - Posted - 09/23/2009: 18:45:13
It would be interesting to get inside your relative's head and see what she was thinking in regard to your picking. Many possibilities - many of them already mentioned. I have found a lack of interest from some relatives when I picked the five in their presence. I attributed it to simple lack of interest in five string banjo picking on their part - nothing more and nothing less.
Regarding missing some days of practice, there is much learning research that indicates spaced practice can help improve learning complex tasks more than can non-spaced practice.
Personally, for the first time since I began picking in 2005, I had about eight months where I did not practice nearly as often as I usually do, and have found now that I am practicing regularly again, I picked it where I left off quite rapidly, and have done well in learning some new songs on Casey Henry's DVD, "Easy Songs for Bango."
pickingfive
2bpm - Posted - 09/23/2009: 20:30:04
I'm very new to the banjo but what works great for me is tie a sock around the neck at the base and the banjo becomes totally dead. My wife can sleep 5 feet from where I'm practicing hand movements and she never even knows I'm there.
Sure you miss the sound but you can keep the movement atleast.
When all else fails I go to the garage and practice in there.
Ozarkwoods - Posted - 09/24/2009: 05:03:01
buy a mute I have one from mike ditchavitch a member here it works great to keep things down. During camping I have practiced outside and I never had a complaint. I know how a practice area is important but so is flexibility. Move about stand up and walk around as you play good practice in its self.
Randy
If you walk through the doors of life you won't get stuck looking at the same four walls.
PharmBoy - Posted - 09/24/2009: 05:20:54
Hi PC;
I have two words of advice for you.
Presume innocence.
You are getting yourself pretty worked-up over your guest's opinion of your playing. You are assuming she is judging your playing and finding it wanting, and it's getting you worked-up, so much so that you are posting here about it.
In all likelihood, though, she may just be too sick to comment, she may not like bluegrass in general, OR she may just not care about music (there are people like that). She may be one of those people that find it difficult to give compliments. I don't know her, so I don't know which one is true, but it doesn't matter. You should not read anything personal into her actions; rather I would argue that you should presume that she has no opinion one way or the other and get along with your life.
Play to make yourself happy, and not your relative.
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There is no growth in the Comfort zone, and no comfort in the Growth zone.
"The instrument proper to them is the Banjar, which they brought hither from Africa."
-Thomas Jefferson
( )======"===::}
pcfive - Posted - 09/24/2009: 08:01:57
"I think you had better get used to the non interest in your banjo playing. My wife couldn't care less. The only time she says anything about it is when I specifically ask her something about it. My best friend is the same way, and so is my brother. They don't try to be mean about my playing, they just don't get it like I do"
Yes that's true. We are obsessed with something we find so amazing and wonderful, and we forget not everyone feels the same way. It's really important to not care what everyone thinks. As long as someone whose opinion we respect occasionally gives us encouragement.
My closest friend likes clawhammer but doesn't care for Scruggs style. When he hears me practice he either says nothing or something critical. Maybe someday if I get really good he will say something positive, or maybe not, but either way I can't let it stop me.
pcfive
pcfive - Posted - 09/24/2009: 08:04:41
"it's getting you worked-up, so much so that you are posting here about it."
No, actually I posted it here because you don't know me, so I feel I can talk about everything I'm going through in the process of learning Scruggs style. I don't have to be all worked up before posting here. I wouldn't talk about this to anyone I know, because they might think I'm being silly and worrying about nothing.
People who are obsessed with their hobby, whatever it is, probably have to get used to this. Friends and relatives just don't get it at all.
pcfive
PharmBoy - Posted - 09/24/2009: 08:26:54
quote:
Originally posted by pcfive
"it's getting you worked-up, so much so that you are posting here about it."
No, actually I posted it here because you don't know me, so I feel I can talk about everything I'm going through in the process of learning Scruggs style. I don't have to be all worked up before posting here. I wouldn't talk about this to anyone I know, because they might think I'm being silly and worrying about nothing.
People who are obsessed with their hobby, whatever it is, probably have to get used to this. Friends and relatives just don't get it at all.
hI pc; Hope I didn't come across as harsh or condescending. I totally understand where you are coming from. I was just trying to gently point out that reading too much into people's reactions (or lack thereof) could be less than productive for you. Here we are using all these electrons to talk about your relative's reaction to your playing, and I would guess that she has not thought a bit about it since it happened. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There is no growth in the Comfort zone, and no comfort in the Growth zone. "The instrument proper to them is the Banjar, which they brought hither from Africa." -Thomas Jefferson ( )======"===::}
pcfive - Posted - 09/24/2009: 08:40:20
"Here we are using all these electrons to talk about your relative's reaction to your playing, and I would guess that she has not thought a bit about it since it happened."
Right -- and maybe she's just envious because she can't play banjo at all! If things were reversed I would be telling her she sounds good, even if she didn't, and trying to be encouraging. So that's why I don't get it. But she has almost never encouraged me about music, and I have played one instrument or another all my life. It could be just that she wishes she could play something. But of course nothing prevents her from learning. But if she starts now she will never be as good as me, since I have a 50 year head start!
pcfive
pcfive - Posted - 09/24/2009: 09:01:38
Alternatively -- she feels sad that I am wasting so much time on something I have no talent for and will never be any good at.
pcfive
ifish - Posted - 09/24/2009: 09:39:49
Chill out. I know I am not in your shoes, but is seems you are letting yourself way to worked up over this. It seems you mentioned a stressful job, and that makes it especially important to try to relax when you get home. I try to practice 1-2 hours also, but last night I went to see Midnight Flyer band locally & missed my practice. I will try to do 2 hours tonight. Actually I like Cornflakes idea. If you can't find another place that won't bother her play in the car. She my then realize the it is so important to you to play, and not bother her. But then again she may not. Even if she dosen't at least you can still get away from the rest of the world, get in your practice, and hopefully feel better about yourself that you have done what you can to make her comfortable.
pcfive - Posted - 09/24/2009: 09:49:07
We can't expect even our closest relatives to understand our love of music and bluegrass banjo in particular. Not just love of music, but of making music and jamming with others. The past 2 years of my life have been better than any others because I went ahead and started doing what I love to do, regardless of what anyone thinks.
pcfive
ifish - Posted - 09/24/2009: 10:20:35
I totally agree. Although I try to hang with others that have the same passion, as much as possible, relatives are a big part of my life. Some get it, some don't. I just flat out enjoy pickin. Sure I wish I were better, & wish I had started a long time ago. I may never be as good a player as I would like, but I do it for myself.
saphine - Posted - 09/24/2009: 10:32:38
Why not just ask her? Does she like Bluegrass? Did it sound ok to her? She might surprise you. If it was my relatives they would have been yelling for me to chop banjo into firewood!
Be who you are and happy, life's a party, go and have some fun.
pcfive - Posted - 09/24/2009: 10:32:51
"I may never be as good a player as I would like, but I do it for myself."
Absolutely. We don't know how good we will ever get to be, but we do know we will always keep getting better. The people I am closest to might never get it, but I keep meeting others who are similarly obsessed.
pcfive
pcfive - Posted - 09/24/2009: 10:40:32
"Did it sound ok to her? She might surprise you."
Then she would just feel obligated to say "yes it sounded ok." I was thinking about asking her if I sounded any better than I used to, since I have been practicing a lot. I KNOW I'm better than the last time she heard me, almost a year ago. There has to be a dramatic difference. But trying to drag a compliment out of someone is kind of a waste of time. Some people just don't like to give compliments, unless they happen to feel like it.
pcfive
Ukeridge - Posted - 09/24/2009: 12:43:31
What a glorious post! This kind of thing always happens to me. No one ever gives the slightest excretion about what has basically taken over my life, to say nothing about how I might sound doing it. They don't care about music the way we do, they're unlikely to know a thing about bluegrass, and the banjo is just a weird piece of Americana or something. I really don't know what their problem is . . . but at least it's practice playing in front of a tough audience.
Another thing that often pains me: On the guitar if you can play any little fingerpicking thing people get all excited . . . because there are so many guitar diddlers that everyone's heard plenty of mediocre playing to compare things to. But, by and large, the only banjo playing anyone's ever heard is of the virtuosic type. So no matter how much time you put into it, before, oh, five years are out, you're likely to sound none to good to these passionless people.
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"That's how I roll."
pcfive - Posted - 09/24/2009: 13:01:30
When I started Scruggs style I would listen to amateurs on youtube, or here at BHO, and I was amazed and impressed, even if they were far from advanced. Anyone who can make that sound with reasonable timing and not out of tune sounds pretty good to me. I just love it. I don't think about how they aren't virtuosos, I just think about how much they have already accomplished. And I like it when people do the same for me. Some do, some don't.
I guess my visiting relative had absolutely no idea how much intense work and effort goes into this. Since I do know, I appreciate any decent banjo picking, even if it is not the absolute best. It's still good.
pcfive
wrentree - Posted - 09/24/2009: 13:01:58
Now if you guys really want a picky audience, warm up a crowd for J.D. Crowe. Sometimes it is best if there is only one person to boo us. We call it practice, while others could call it listening torture.
I guess what I am trying to get at is that like Earl, when he started,the only people who he satisfied was himself. Those are the breaks, I guess.
Harold
AD3AD3AD3 - Posted - 09/26/2009: 06:35:56
I frequently find that a few days without picking results in my reaching a slightly higher plateau when I get back to it.
AD3
ctopp - Posted - 09/26/2009: 07:55:59
I agree with AD3. It must have something to do with muscle memory and the way we learn. No doubt about it, I play better if I take a day off. (Still not that great though!!)
Oalbrets - Posted - 10/05/2009: 19:45:47
Record your pratice and listen to it in a month or tw and you will see how much you have progressed. I myselfe don't care what people, reatives, wives, mothers or fathers think how I play. The main thing is to have fun.
Poverty Ridge Bluegrass
barbbanjo - Posted - 10/07/2009: 02:45:28
pcfive, I say, let this experience give you the assurance that you have joined the really, truly, honestly club we call "banjo pickers". Everyone has given such good advice that it kind of sounds like we've all felt this way one time or another. I've never heard anyone say that they just hate the sound of the guitar but there is something - and I can't figure out what it is - about the banjo that sends some people into paroxisms of shivers. I've heard people say that the harp (!) or bagpipes bug them.
Don't let their feelings cause you to have any negative feelings about your playing. We can all appreciate your progress whether it is an inch or a mile because we know how hard playing the banjo is. My dear Mama, who just passed away 2 weeks ago, told me for the first time about a week before she passed that she actually hated the banjo! I was shocked! She had never ever said anything about it to me before. At first I felt hurt but then I just chalked it up to the fact that everyone is unique. After Mama told me that she went on to tell me that her father had once had a banjo that he kept in a closet by the wood stove. Whenever anyone came to the house, Grandpa would get out that banjo to show them because he was so proud of it. Mama said she had never heard him play it but that she was sure that he loved that banjo more than he did Grandma! So, play on knowing that if any of us was at your house we'd have been cheering you on and then playing with you.
barbbanjo - Posted - 10/07/2009: 02:46:33
PS - Boy do I miss Mama! Your mother is still your mother even when she is 87 and you are 60.
pcfive - Posted - 10/07/2009: 09:35:44
"I frequently find that a few days without picking results in my reaching a slightly higher plateau when I get back to it."
Yes, that is exactly what happened! Missing practice for 2 days resulted in a sudden improvement that surprised me a lot. I guess that means we have to take a break sometimes? I would hate to because I love my early morning practice routine.
pcfive
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