JSnood - Posted - 09/17/2009:  04:24:18

TMI

Raphael Lasar
Matawan, NJ

The more something is described as "unbelievable", the simpler the explanation for it will be.

bikebum - Posted - 09/17/2009:  05:32:02

Star Date xxxxx, in search of Kling ons.

OM45GE - Posted - 09/17/2009:  05:41:31

Sounds like it's time for this again:

How to Wipe Using One Sheet of Toilet Paper


Step One: Take a single sheet of single-ply toilet paper and fold it in half. (This is known as a "valley fold" in origami.) Then, fold in half again. Note: Men usually fold edge-to-edge, but ladies may prefer the more fashionable corner-to-corner technique.

Step Two: Tear a small hole from the folded corner just large enough to put your finger through. Set the corner piece aside on a clean surface, then unfold the larger piece and slide it down over your finger so that it covers your thumb and knuckles.

Step Three: Using your finger only, wipe your buttocks thoroughly. Depending on your stool condition, you may need to shake your finger through the toilet bowl water occasionally, but be careful not to get the paper wet.

Step Four: When finished, grasp the sheet of toilet paper firmly and pull up, cleaning and drying your finger in one smooth, even motion. Finally, use the smaller folded piece to clean underneath your fingernail.


"But if there were no music
Then I would not get through" - Shawn Colvin

dingo - Posted - 09/17/2009:  06:42:34

What a conversation. Only on the Banjo Forum will you find a conversation like this.

But I have noticed that the paper is terrible, smaller rolls and the price has risen terribly.

Jill

What Happens in the Corn Field, Stays in the Corn Field.

Moxley - Posted - 09/17/2009:  06:50:53

quote:

---

Originally posted by dingo

What a conversation. Only on the Banjo Forum will you find a conversation like this.

---

Gary Lee - Posted - 09/17/2009:  10:45:41

Doug, I lurk about on a consistent basis but only post when something strikes, like a pounder and this thread you started. Both have a common denominator of sorts. The only missing equation regarding this thread, is the opportune time to pick some 5 and take advantage of the natural reverberation that exists in thoulst area designated, porcelain convenience.

http://www.myspace.com/sologuy

pstroud1 - Posted - 09/17/2009:  12:31:27

We save on paper by eating lots of cheese to get constipated then drink a bottle of magnesium citrate and use a shower hose.

Paul
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

georgiagoodie - Posted - 09/17/2009:  12:39:08

This is the one issue we ALL have in common, unless of course you use a colostomy bag, and that's even on a whole other level. President Obama, Kate Beckensale, Tiger Woods, Branjelena, David Letterman, Oprah, Pete Seeger, Jennifer Anniston, Larry King (Now THERE'S an image!), Bruce Springsteen, The Pope........We ALL have to deal with this issue, just remember that the next time you see some jack*ss who thinks his.........

georgiagoodie

"Frets? We don't need no stinking frets!!"

KE - Posted - 09/17/2009:  12:40:50

Jack Bauer doesn't.

Mr Sean - Posted - 09/17/2009:  16:18:45

I understand that the Queen of England doesn't... And I'd be very much surprised if the Pope did either.

Moxley - Posted - 09/17/2009:  16:39:14

You're wrong, here's proof!

AndBanjoWasHisNameO - Posted - 09/17/2009:  16:44:40

Obviously, His Holiness has one of those old-timey, trap-door robes...

~Michael

"Well, it's a joke son! Don't you get it?"

Mr Sean - Posted - 09/17/2009:  18:06:37

I know how he feels... I've had many nights where I overdid the Guinness.

bikebum - Posted - 09/17/2009:  18:36:08

Somehow it seems that that just ain't right. tick tick tick

mike gregory - Posted - 09/17/2009:  19:32:08

Re: The photoshopped image of JP2 on the porcelain convenience- - -

It's related to giving a more elaborate answer than a simple "Yes" to a question.

If memory serves, that's part of a two-part joke. The other half goes
"Is the bear Catholic?"

A humorous flip on the ORIGINAL way to express it, which was

Edited by - mike gregory on 09/17/2009 19:35:03

banjeaux bob - Posted - 09/17/2009:  23:14:07

never having been to one of those countries whre they drive on the "other " side of the road...... perhaps some who live in one of those places(or folks who have visited) can tell me the real deal? is it true that the toilet paper is also wound on the core the wrong way too?

BDC1 - Posted - 09/18/2009:  00:52:58

There once was a boy named Billy Joe Baker he wiped his butt with tissue paper.............the paper was thin his hand didn't win......... pheeew Billy Joe Baker

Edited by - BDC1 on 09/19/2009 21:31:50

Gary Lee - Posted - 09/18/2009:  00:53:02

I heard there is a crisis looming about in Cuba. An exhausted supply of T P is just around the corner. Yep, its true, there will be no T P wound in either direction soon. Talk about a country full of whicky sticks.

http://www.myspace.com/sologuy

OM45GE - Posted - 09/18/2009:  04:38:50

Grafitti seen on the wall of a pay toilet in Boston:

Here I sit broken hearted

Paid a quarter to poop and only farted.

"But if there were no music
Then I would not get through" - Shawn Colvin

mike gregory - Posted - 09/18/2009:  05:19:24

A QUARTER?
Us really REALLY old people remember the poem with a DIME as the fee.
One hundred and fifty percent increase in cost, in just the past few years.

MIGHT be cheaper, in the long run, to discontinue the use of paper, and carry a Portable Rinsing Machine.

marshh - Posted - 09/18/2009:  05:54:57

A city boy was visiting his country friend. Later on he asked if he could use the facility. The country boy said "Sure", It's just out back. City boy went out back and saw a small building. He was fairly smart for a city boy so figured that was it. In a few minutes, however, he was back in the house asking where the paper was. Country boy said, We don,t use paper. We use corn cobs.

City boy went out back and returned again in a few minutes and said, "there are two kinds there. Brown and White. Which do I use. Country boy said, "A couple of the brown ones will do the job just fine." City boy said, "Then, what are the white ones for."

Country boy said, "You use one of them to see if you need another brown one."

Eat, Sleep and Pick

OM45GE - Posted - 09/18/2009:  06:00:06

You mean the hillbilly bidet?

"But if there were no music
Then I would not get through" - Shawn Colvin

PyrPups - Posted - 09/18/2009:  06:07:37

You guys have finally learned what that crud is on your strings that so many complain about. Us Charmin users have clean strings!

Gary Lee - Posted - 09/18/2009:  11:07:20

String crud could be attributed to a mid night scratching whilst thou is counting sheep and of course, a skipped morning shower which generally breaks free all lodged DNA.

http://www.myspace.com/sologuy

bikebum - Posted - 09/18/2009:  12:00:21

Oh crap! You guys are on a roll again.

ifish - Posted - 09/18/2009:  12:26:28

I noticed this post a couple day ago & didn't even think about joining in. Then this morning I opened a new pack of angel soft & yes is in fact much thinner than the roll of the same thing I removed. I wouldn't blow my nose with it , unless I used twice as much, not to mention use as directed.

david in ky - Posted - 09/18/2009:  12:43:12

quote:

---

I heard there is a crisis looming about in Cuba. An exhausted supply of T P is just around the corner. Yep, its true, there will be no T P wound in either direction soon. Talk about a country full of whicky sticks.

---

steve-o - Posted - 09/18/2009:  14:14:19

What's the difference between toilet paper, and sand paper?




Sand paper has at least ONE smooth side!

"It ain't over yet - as long as you keep moving, they can't throw dirt on ya"

FXHERE - Posted - 09/18/2009:  15:06:34

A few years ago my wife bought a roll of toilet paper that contained some type of lotion.. Man was it smoooth, but the problem was you couldnt tell when the job was finished and I went through the whole roll... We need to bring back the Sears Robuck catalog...Doug

Pre-War Picker-----New Banjo

mburk5 - Posted - 09/18/2009:  15:39:16

Corn crop was good here in Missouri so I should be good for awhile,the cobs are nice and soft because of all the rain we had.

mike gregory - Posted - 09/18/2009:  19:10:09

Compared to which, an ONLINE catalog is USELESS.

Of course, for those of you who realize that using paper kills trees, there are these little plastic scoops that fit neatly in the pocket, and, when needed, slide snugly over the fingertips.

brokenstrings - Posted - 09/18/2009:  22:41:24

A gentle reminder: some of these posts have gone above and beyond what is desirable on a family site. Watchit!

Jessy

Frailaway, ladies, frailaway!